One Wink at a Time

2007-02-14T21:39:00.000-05:00

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY
YOU LOVESICK FOOL

This may well be my last post here at Blogger. I will miss how I know where everything is, the different sized fonts and colored text and some of the other things that have taken me aboot a year to master... but it's time to say good bye here. When someone starts putting pressure on me to make choices, it makes me antsy and bitchy. When I can't post because I can't get to my dashboard, I clench my teeth and fists. When this is no longer fun, well, it's no longer fun.

So I spent today, a "snow day" off work to set up a new blog over at Word Press. I'll see how I like it over there. I worked on it until my butt started hurting from sitting too long, so there are still things I need to do. My flickr badge isn't up yet, I'm trying to figure out how to set up sitemeter, I'd like to put music on there. Hell, I might even look into Scratch 'n Sniff and virtual coffee dispensing. Who knows??? At any rate, don't expect a lot right off. But what's really important besides words? Mine and yours.

I thought of starting over with a new theme but One Wink is special to me so I decided to stay with that. No, I'm not doing Nearly Naked Thursdays (get over it) and I didn't see a word verification option so you can enjoy that and/or put up with spammers, time will tell. I could possibly change the template again, I'm not happy aboot the way my title shows up. It's a little hard to read. I really want a customized banner but don't have the know-how to pull that kind of coup off. Maybe someday...

Oh, Word Press wouldn't let me use my hotmail address (wtf?) so I have a new yahoo address. If anybody knows a way around that, please lmk. I love my hotmail.

Okay, enough already. Go here and don't look back. Sheesh, I'm getting choked up, I feel like I'm losing my best friend, I swear.

Love You,
Bye.
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2007-02-11T20:02:00.000-05:00

I'LL MISS YOU, BUDDY

Someone very, very dear to me died this morning. This picture was taken the last time we were together. He's my father's cousin, Burton, and he was a helluva great guy. He'd been fighting lung cancer for about a year and two weeks ago contracted pneumonia and had been having a rough time of it. So I'm glad he's at peace now. But I will miss him sumthin' fierce. He was so much like my dad. Last time we were together, Burton called me a smart ass; first and last time. I consider that a great compliment. And I say this with the utmost respect- They say it takes one to know one ;-)

Weather permitting, I will be attending his funeral on Wednesday. It's a couple of hours north of here and the weather is usually more severe. I hope I can be there to say goodbye.

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2007-02-10T23:07:00.000-05:00

FIRST THERE'S GROUNDHOG DAY

Was going to post yesterday and earlier today but Dashboard wouldn't let me. So I better not pass up this op.

And it better be a damnwell interesting post. No pressure, Linda...

K, so what do we want to read? I could tell you aboot the sex dreams I've been having. Or I could tell you what happened to me once in the ladies room at a popular night spot. Or how a parachute almost landed on my boyfriend and I as we were making out in a secluded area in a park lots of years ago. But nah, that's all boring stuff.

Valentine's Day is coming fast. Not at all prepared this year. Normally PD and I combine our first date anniversary with Valentine's Day and celebrate on the Saturday night that's closest to one or the other. We would always have dinner at the restaurant where we ate on our first date but last year the owner retired and closed the place. So dining there is no longer feasible, enjoyable or possible. Thing is, this is a big year for us. The anniversary is our 17th and it occurs on the 17th and our lucky number just happens to be... (guess). Yepper. Seventeen. So we really should do something pretty spectacular. The other thing is that PD hasn't been feeling very well at all lately so we may have to chuck the whole idea and just stay home and reminisce or something. As it is, the majority of anniversary dinners we have spent together have ended up being accompanied by either snow or ice storms. That's always fun, taking your life in your hands after stuffing yourself with as much expensive food as you can.

It's hard for me to believe that it's been 17 years since my first date with my husband. Sometimes it feels like just a few years ago. Oh, and other times... ;-) Never mind.

Tell me how y'all are planning to show the Love.

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2007-02-08T21:11:00.000-05:00

ALL IN A DAZE WORK

According to Jeff A., today is "Why in the hell am I still working here?" Day. Knowing Jeff, this could be an actual day of celebration or he could have made it up just to get me fired from my job. Either way, I assured him that I would jump on the wagon and post aboot that very subject. Gullible, you say? Probly. Regardless...

I have been at my job for 10 years, 8 months and some odd days. The first two years I loved my job. In the years between then and now I have worked in quite a few different capacities. Some I liked, some I tolerated. Some I excelled at, some I muddled through. A couple of years ago I was the sole worker in one department. I worked under a supervisor but basically ran the department on my own for a time. Yes, I loved that. Through no fault of my own, (honest!) the department closed down. I was relocated back to the department that I had started in 8 years previous. Not happy. At that point I started to seriously think aboot a job search. It was around that time that it became necessary for me to put PD on my health insurance and that put a quick and final end to the thoughts of looking elsewhere. We couldn't be without insurance for him. So I hung in there.

Fast forward to last summer when I was working the night shift. I was loving that. Not going into details, I had started in yet another department, working on a new product which was quite interesting, despite the fact that I was working in a controlled area with tons of restrictions for the integrity of the product. I don't know if I said that right but it (product) must be way clean.
I was working with a bunch of new people that I really liked. At this point I had accrued over three weeks of vacation time, some decent profit sharing, built up my 401K and was earning a pretty good shift differential. Things were looking pretty good. I didn't like the thoughts of starting a new job and having to start over earning vacation time, etc. Seniority counts for something. So I decided to sit back and get comfortable for that time being.

I was not happy to go back on the day shift, mostly because I would be working with aboot 5 times as many people. But now that that is happening, I am actually fine with it. It was an adjustment to be sure, but sometimes you amaze yourself with your powers of adaptability.

I work for a good company. It is growing all the time and is quite competitive. We have a reputation for quality and customer satisfaction. In fact we won a Manufacturer of the Year Award recently. Don't quote me on that title. When we're not working overtime, I'm happy with my work hours. Except, of course, when my alarm goes off at 5:30 am... But I can be at work in 15 minutes. There is a great cafeteria. There are lots of kind and generous people. There are lots of loonies too, but we have a good time. :-) All in all, my job could be lots worse.

That's all I have to say aboot that. Don't wanna Dooce myself ;-)

(Don't be asking me what I do and what product we make and all that. I ain't saying.)

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2007-02-06T16:44:00.000-05:00

IF THAT JUST ISN'T A FINE HOWDY DO...

I contend that if I am a Blogger user, not by choice but by sheer ignorance, I am allowed to bitch and complain aboot Blogger. Twice recently I couldn't access my dashboard because I chose not to "up"grade to the new Blogger. Both times I had something wonderful and brilliant to share. Last evening was one of those times. I feel like when I can get on here I should hurry and tell you every single thing I ever thought of saying just in case it's my last ever post. Kind of like if someone said to me, "If today was your last day on Earth, what would you say to all your blog friends?" No pressure there. No anxiety there. So just a warning, if I should disappear off the face of the Webosphere, blame Blogger.

Not everything new is necessarily better. I've read lots of complaints aboot the New Blogger. I have a hard enough time maneuvering around here, as simple as it is and as long as I've been using this. I don't want or need any new headaches. At least I'm comfortable here. It's not even that I don't like change. I would LOVE to have a pretty, original blog that was like no one has ever seen. Maybe someday I will. But I hate relying on other people to answer questions for me and dig and bail me out of the fixes in which I'm eternally finding myself. I don't have time for that. I barely have time to get a post out here every couple of days.

Ok so I'm finished complaining. Just wanted to give you a heads-up in case a few days go by and you don't see me here. At least you won't worry that I succumbed to the pressures of entertaining and antagonizing all you youngsters.

For avoidance or a chuckle, go here.

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2007-02-04T20:56:00.000-05:00

NOW THAT WE ALL AGREE...

If I did nothing else this past week, I've proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that we are all just a little shy of acting our age. Okay, a lot shy. But it was rilly rilly fun reading all the quirky things we do. And amazing that so many of us have the same weirdnesses.

I have to say that my state of mind is in a much better state than a week ago. I'm still questioning and exploring some things but I feel I should thank you all for your wonderful insights and encouragement. It never ceases to amaze me how you are there for me when I need to talk or rant or laugh or cry or whatever. I feel so very fortunate to have the friends I do here. I hope I'm always there for you as you have been for me.

I stole this link from another blog but I want you to see these pictures. It is a slide show of only like 9 photographs but they are some serious kick-ass photos. Please check it out, it only takes a minute. Awesome.

I've had a very enjoyable weekend. Stayed in as much as possible as I am not a big fan of single digit temperatures. But I did venture out today and was amazed at the lack of common sense people display when dressing for cold weather. I don't get it. I had on boots, a longer coat, hat, mittens and a scarf. I passed people wearing zip-up hoodies without the zips up. That's not such a big deal but I want to slap people who drag toddlers out in weather like this and don't put hats or gloves on them.

Guess my Sunday evening crankiness is setting in. I rue the end of a weekend. Especially a good one. How did you spend yours? No need to go into a whole lot of detail, Simon. ;-)

{A couple of people have inquired lately aboot my artwork. I put a few pics of some things I have done in my top Flickr box if anyone is interested. I apologize for the presentation. I laid my portfolio on a pile of laundry and just took some pictures. My bad.}

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2007-02-03T13:08:00.000-05:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO OUR FRIEND,

and fellow Non-Grown up JEFF today. :-)

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2007-02-02T20:30:00.000-05:00

DIVERSIONARY TACTIC

I'm weary of the mask discussion tonight. Not that it's a done deal, I still have more to do and say on the topic, just not tonight. I'm in the mood to wreak some havoc, TC, but there's a blizzard of sorts going on outside and as this was a tiring week, I have neither the energy or desire to go anywhere. As it is, PD is playing with a new mega-horsepower snow blower in the driveway and I would have to drive over him if I did want to escape. But I don't, I'm happy to stay in with some rum and cherry Coke. And since this is my choice for entertainment tonight, I'm thinking it might be fun to talk aboot all the ways in which I have not grown up. I may have done a post on this before, not sure. I apologize if I did.

I bite my fingernails when I'm watching a movie. Not a lot, just little nibbles. But it doesn't even have to be a scary movie.
Sometimes when I call my mom, I disguise my voice. Just to be silly. She laughs.
I mostly run, not walk up and down stairs.
I don't sit up straight on the sofa (why did I say sofa? I never say sofa) - I slide down with my butt close to the edge of the seat, more like laying than sitting.
I play the stereo in the car way too loud. PD likes to yell aboot that. He's a grown-up.
Sometimes I can't bear to walk on a long expanse of tile floor. I will run and slide instead.
There's pretty much nothing I haven't done with a shopping cart that you can get away with in a grocery store.
I'm forever getting little kids into trouble with things I thought would be innocent fun.
I don't like to go to bed. Then I cry and kick and scream when I have to get up.
Sometimes I blow spit bubbles, but not in front of important people.
I love, love, love to play in sand. PD will not build me a sandbox though.
I like to talk (and read) in different accents to amuse myself.
When no one is looking I have been known to drink the left-over salad dressing from the salad bowl. PD knows when I'm doing it though, because I always point to something across the room and say, "look!"
I cry really easily. I don't care, I'd rather cry a lot than not at all.
I make up words.
I daydream. A lot.
I can't let well enough alone mostly.
I like to push the straw up and down in a fast-food drink cup with a lid and make that annoying wah-ungh wah-ungh sound.
It's very hard for me to sit still.
I love children's books.
I can make a lot of weird noises with my mouth. And I do.
I can't concentrate for long periods of time and I'm not terribly concerned aboot it.
I love Flintstone chewables. And Froot Loops. And string cheese. And chocolate milk.

PD could probly cite another 100 or so examples, these are just a few off the top of my head. I hope you'll share some of yours with us. And don't tell me I suffer from Adult Attention Deficit Disorder. I probly do. I'm not seeing a doctor aboot it and you can't make me. Besides, it's mostly hormonal and I should grow out of that in the next couple of years.

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2007-01-31T18:29:00.000-05:00

IT'S BUSY IN THERE.. Had I known the obstacles I might encounter in this "quest" I've set aboot undertaking, I'd have packed a jackhammer, a Swiffer and several cans of WhoopAss just to get through some of the thick stuff. Hah!

Yesterday I shared that I've been going to work sans mask. Today was day three. It's very interesting to me that I'm actually seeing people reacting differently toward me. I've always had a "policy" for lack of a better word, for not getting close to many people that I share the same workspace with, for many reasons I'm sure you can imagine so I'll not go into that. But I've been more aware of how I relate to people and I think that I have projected a sort of "keep your distance" force field. I don't think that I'm all that approachable. People seem to respect me but I find that I am not one to be included in those little gossipy circles that are so prevalent in workplaces where there is a majority of women. Don't get me wrong, that's more than fine with me. I don't get off on that kind of relating. I'm the person people come to for answers to music trivia or how to spell a word or who starred in a movie or things like that. They'll come to me for advice on how to deal with this or that. I've had people say they trust me not to repeat things and that they know I'll give an honest opinion. I like that and I'm proud to have that reputation. I'm speaking in general terms, of course.

The past few days have been interesting. I honestly don't think I'm behaving much differently, I'm basically just not trying to be Miss Smiley Hunky Dory. I'm smiling and saying hi, how are ya, that kind of thing. But not when I don't mean it. So let's say, I dunno, maybe it's been cut in half. I don't mean this to sound all snotty or whatever, just making an attempt at being completely honest with myself. But anyway, little subtle things are happening. For instance, someone (who I don't normally have a conversation with often) was waiting at the end of the hall for me and wanted to share a web address of a site she'd come across and thought I might be interested. That was nice. And yeah, I'm finding myself a little more relaxed. That's never a bad thing. I'm amusing myself with this little exercise. And hopefully growing and losing some bad habits.

Today I spent some time thinking aboot what growing up means. I don't know how obvious this might be to any of you but I have never grown up. Not consciously, anyway. For the most part, it hasn't caused me a lot of problems. But it's just not entirely natural for a woman of my, um, stage in life. I'm going to be giving that some thought. In the mean time, feel free to tell me your experinces, like when did you know for sure you were an adult? Things like that.

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2007-01-30T21:59:00.000-05:00

GOT'S TA GIT IN GEAR

The other day when I was Googling images of masks to upload, I came across this site and it's just aboot the coolest site I've seen in a while. I wanted to share it with you.

I'm very interested in collage art and have been feeling creative lately and thinking of tackling my first project in this medium. I've been collecting interesting pieces of "things" forever; ticket stubs, old photos, stamps, flower petals, you name it, all with the intention of putting it all together some way to express myself. When I find some spare time, I'll start planning.

Just thinking aboot it and wishing I would take that first step...

Oh by the way, yesterday and today I left my mask at home. It was surprisingly easy. Nothing awful happened. I'm not entirely sure but I think I may have felt a bit more relaxed than usual.
Then why am I so tired? Go figure. G'night.

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2007-01-27T10:47:00.000-05:00

MASKS WE WEAR

I'm concentrating on the "mask" thing and why I do it...

Possible reasons include:

* I get off on attention and I want people to think, "Gee, Linda's sure got it all together."
* I want people to think I'm unsinkable (Molly Brown? I included a link for youngsters who maybe never heard of Molly) I guess these are both tied together. But why do I do this? I dunno, I better work on this. Seems a little f***ed up to me...
* I love to make people happy and it seems I have this (rather arrogant) idea that if I "spread the cheer" somehow I am going to make a difference in someone's day. Is this f***ed up? Or is it just being thoughtful on my part?

This intropection thing is beginning to make me just a little bit nervous. I'm not sure now that I know myself as well as I thought I did. Hmmmn. What if I uncover this whole other person and I don't like what I find? I liked me the way I was.

I don't mean to give the impression that I wear a "mask" all of the time. I'm a pretty genuine kind of person. I really and truly care aboot other people. Part of the reason I'm having to struggle with this right now is because I'm focussing on me and that's not something I'm accustomed to. But I can't quit now. The more time I'm spending thinking, I keep getting the feeling that I'm on the verge of some kind of breakthrough that will make a difference. If I could just get over this feeling of being selfish while I'm doing it, I don't think it would be such a struggle for me. It seems to be connected to the avoidance thing. I've spent so much of my life looking outward maybe in an effort to avoid looking inward? But why? Another question that needs answering.

It's becoming obvious to me that I need to concentrate on just one thing, I'm getting too scattered and feeling a bit overwhelmed. Help with this would be appreciated.

Too much thinking for now.

So my daughter and her family are in for a major life change, in case you didn't know. Mr. JuJu has accepted a position in the Buffalo NY area and they have been preparing to relocate. I am a bit sad that they will be moving further away from me but that is way overshadowed by the fact that they will: a) be closer to Mr.'s family, b) will have a bigger house and c) Mr. will be able to spend less time travelling. So aside from that teeny downside, it's all looking wonderful. I myself have some family ties in that area. As they presently reside in Ohio, they are far from any family at all and that will be remedied. I'm totally thrilled for them.

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2007-01-25T20:28:00.000-05:00

ON AND ON AND ON...

Well, I've read aboot 20 blogs now and can no longer put off writing. I spent a lot of time today thinking aboot my coping mechanisms. Of course there's the ever-present Avoidance that I've developed into an art. We're all-too-familiar with that... but I'm beginning to wonder if I've missed my true calling. I think perhaps I should have been an actress.

I spend an awful lot of time and effort putting on a happy face. For some reason, yet to be determined by moi, it is crucial to me that no one knows when I'm truly sad or miserable or upset or uncomfortable or a myriad of other negative things. Most of the time, anyway and more often in real life than here. In fact this spilling of guts of late is highly unusual behavior for me. Unless it just feels that way to me since I've been feeling more vulnerable lately. My nearest and dearest I'm sure, know when I'm emotional but with others, I find it necessary to at least make an attempt to be cheerful and all hunky-dory. (Where the hell did that expression come from anyway?) I can't ever recall anyone at work or anywhere saying to me "Are you ok?" or "Are you having a bad day?" I don't know why I'm like this. It's gonna bug me till I figure it out. I shouldn't say "always" and "never" I guess. There are always exceptions. For the most part, I seem to save my whining and complaining for you poor people here.

Maybe I see letting one's true emotions show is some kind of weakness or a character flaw. Or maybe I've come to realize that most people don't really give a damn or want an honest answer when they say "How are you?" Maybe it's just easier to pretend everything is fine. Maybe I enjoy the challenge. Maybe it makes me feel superior. I dunno. I probably really do need a therapist after all... Maybe I'm just honing my acting skills, preparing for my next life. I need to figure this out.

I had more to add to yesterday's post aboot being unsatisfied with my life. Part of the problem is that I find my self internalizing a lot of the frustration and anger. There is some sadness too. I certainly can't and won't discuss it to any degree with PD. He feels responsible for many of our problems already. There isn't a damn thing he can do aboot his illness that hasn't already been tried. I would never want to make him feel worse. Which brings me to another thing... All these feelings that I'm sharing with you; the anger, frustration, etc... I feel guilty for feeling them. I am healthy (relatively) and PD is not. I should be grateful and satisfied. We have a roof over our heads, wonderful families, food to eat, etc. etc. So when I get all mopey and antsy like this, I feel guilty. In a way I feel justified, but when I listen to myself, it all seems so selfish and shallow of me.

A big part of my gripe, for lack of a better word is this- in my first marriage, due to health problems with my first husband also, I was the "responsible one." Quite a few years into our marriage, he was diagnosed as bi-polar. I managed the household, paid the bills, disciplined the kids, all that kind of thing. It wore me out. Physically and emotionally. That lasted 15 years. When I met PD and we fell in love and started planning for the future, I was elated. This time, I thought, we could share responsibilities. Decision-making, establishing a home, things like that we could share. I didn't want to be the one "in charge."

I think you see where I am going with this. More later. It's my bedtime.

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2007-01-24T18:36:00.000-05:00

THE SEARCH CONTINUES...

I'm beginning to wonder if all the hot air I typed yesterday aboot all the problems with the world was a (subconscious) ploy to get my own attention off myself. I knew all those problems are there. I just hadn't really given it a solid block of attention in awhile. Ah, avoidance. I'm detecting a definite pattern here. I guess I need to look at some things closer to home, things that directly affect me.

As for a correlation between yesterday's post and my own imminent dilemma, I don't even take much medication. In fact, I should probably be on some kind of anti-inflammatory again/still for the costochondritis. (Yeah, it's still here. Amazing what you can learn to live with, huh?) But I don't like to take things. I seldom get headaches, except migraines which were coming monthly (you know, female migraines) but those haven't been an issue for quite awhile, thankfully. I had pills for those that I only took when I absolutely had to. I take a small dose of Lexapro daily. It is an anti-depressant but I was prescribed them to help manage hot flashes. Which they do, to a degree. I found out a week or so ago when I missed a day and then the following day, forgot to take one until noon. I'm still regretting that little slip-up. So you see, I'm not a member of the over-medicated sector of our society. And I'm too poor to buy everything in sight. I'm comfortable, I have everything I need but don't consider myself overly materialistic.

So wherein does my immediate problem lie? I'm grossly unsatisfied with life. Not life per se, I guess I should clarify, my life. And as if that isn't a big enough pill to swallow, (intended pun) I seem to be totally without the ambition or motivation to do a damn thing aboot it. Or the energy, now that I think aboot it. Should probably provide a little background for newer readers...

My life with PD changed drastically when he got sick. There are so many of the activities that we used to enjoy that he's just not able to tolerate any longer. He's very restricted physically which has been the hardest adjustment for him. He was very, very active right up until the Menieres. I would have called him a Do-aholic. I am not going to cite particular changes, there are too many.

You would totally think that I would be accustomed by now to living a different kind of life. In some ways I am, others not so. He developed the Menieres shortly after we were married in 2000. That was over 6 years ago.

My responsibilities increased a great deal when PD became ill. He's not able to drive. Not safely, anyway. Once in awhile he will assert his own big bad stubborn self and drive himself a few miles just to prove a point. I sweat and worry until he returns, but no one, and I mean, no one tells PD what he can or cannot do. That I am accustomed to. But I do, very much miss our old life together.

I'm just thinking aloud and starting to ramble. I really should try to organize my thoughts before sitting down here to post. I was going to talk aboot how much I've come to depend on this Internet for entertainment and companionship. I'll save that for another day. I'm tired now and think I'll go to bed.

Stay tooned for the next episode of The Search... when Linda finds out that she's the long-lost illegitimate daughter of a kleptomaniacal circus performer with dual citizenship and an undeveloped gift for premonition and an over-developed sexual appetite including an overt fetish for leopard-skin hats and red patent leather stillettos (the shoes, not the knives). And that's the father...

No, I'm not losing it. I'm trying to maintain a sense of humor. Just grin and bear it.

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2007-01-23T20:14:00.000-05:00

SOUL SEARCHING III

OK. Prozac Nation is the story of a young girl (played by Christina Ricci) given the opportunity to pursue her dream of studying to be a journalist at Harvard University. She's had a rather f---ed up childhood, a victim/child of two equally f---ed up parents hell-bent on punishing each other. For what, I'm not sure. At any rate, the parents were too busy to give their daughter the love and attention she desperately craved. She grew up rebellious and self-destructive. When the time came for her to actually prove that she had what it took to be a successful journalist, all hell broke loose and she developed a severe case of writer's block that lasted for months. I don't want to say anymore because some of you have expressed the desire to see the movie.

Had I not spent so much time physically trying to get past a strong dislike for all but one character, I may have had nicer things to say aboot the movie. The only character I liked was the girl's roommate, Ruby. She spent the first half of their friendship trying to get her friend (Christina Ricci) laid, and the second half trying to help her be normal and happy. Good pal, huh?

Now to what I took away from the movie. It made me realize something I already knew aboot our society. Meaning, we Americans. I knew we spend too much time chasing stupid shit and that we are an over-medicated population. We take pills to make us sleep, pills to wake us up, pills to curb our appetite, pills to make our pee pees work, pills to get babies, pills to not have babies, pills to make us poop, pills so we don't pee our pants, pills to slow us down and perk us up. WTF??? What the hell did everybody do before the freakin' pills? I dunno, but they sure as shit weren't all dropping dead from heart attacks and cancer caused by clogged arteries and chemicals like we are. Sure, to a degree but. They say we are living longer now. I read statistics the other day that say this generation is already living longer than the one after us ever will. Am I starting to sound like "We Didn't Start the Fire" by Mr. Billy Joel?

So this all got me thinking that I need to just slow down and concentrate on what's real and what makes me happy and forget all the other stuff. People are too wrapped up in what color their hair should be, how much collagen and Botox they can stuff in their faces, how much fat they can have sliced and/or vacuumed out of their thighs, how big their butts and breasts are or aren't. Like that's any kind of measurement of a person's character... People who aren't obsessed with their appearance are pre-occupied with accumulating things. Things like cars... and gadgets... and things!!!

I'm not saying it's wrong to care aboot one's appearance. Or to have nice things. What I'm getting at is that if we are this preoccupied with stupid little shit on top of all the real crap we have to worry aboot, no wonder we can't face reality without a prescription or ten.

How many times a day do you catch yourself clenching your teeth? Holding your breath? Rubbing the back of your neck? We're tense. And we're afraid we can't keep up. I'm not a competetive-type person, even. I'm not trying to keep up with anyone except myself. And that's taking a toll. But now I know why I'm feeling so cornered and overwhelmed. Time to smell the roses, I guess. It amazes me that I found myself so far off base. I'm usually not one to lose sight of my shoreline like this. (Must be time to wrap this up, I'm making references to sports; baseball and sailing???)

I need to tell you all how much you've touched me with your comments and suggestions. I could never explain to a non-blogger what it feels like to be part of a circle of friendly "strangers" (and I mean that in the nicest possible way) who can make me laugh, smile, cry and shake my head in awe on an almost daily basis. In my way, I love you all. You make me wanna be a better person...

... and I'm going to keep working on that. Feel free to give me a kick in the ass or a slap on the wrist if you see me slipping. I know some of you will just be waiting for the opportunity... but that's ok. That's what friends are for.

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2007-01-22T21:42:00.000-05:00

HONEST

I didn't break my promise to come here tonight and finish the post I was writing. Blogger wouldn't let me publish it for some reason. I have it saved in a document and hope I can figure out how to get it here. Might have to wait until tomorrow. Send Help.

If this posts and my other one won't, I'm really going to be confused. More.

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2007-01-22T20:21:00.000-05:00

SOUL SEARCHING II

I'm not in a fessy mood tonight. I'm ok, just not up to putting thoughts and feelings into words.
Promise to be here tomorrow. Thanks so much for all the comments. You people rule.
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2007-01-21T15:49:00.000-05:00

SOUL SEARCHING

This entry could be the most real, important (to me) that I've written to date. If you're not in the mood for anything more than a lite Sunday night/Monday morning read, please feel free to move on. This pouring-out could get heavy. You have been warned.

Just what feels like a few short months ago, I was feeling on top of the world. Turning 50, while feeling like a daunting feat, seemed to be a breeze for me. The unprofessed fear and trepidation that I felt previous to that fateful day proved ungrounded and I was flooded with relief to find that I handled it. Or should I say survived it. It seemed that after some much-needed inner-housecleaning of sorts, that I had my priorities in order and I felt that I was looking and feeling quite well for a woman of that substantive age and in general, everything was virtually coming up roses. The ominous and dreaded results I had predicated never came to be and I felt that I was home free.

Fast forward to less than a year later and I'm floundering in a state of cerebral turmoil, too fearful to even exert the effort to test the waters; too unsure of myself to commit to working through this. And not liking what's looking back at me in the mirror. People around me daily would argue, I think, as I have used all my energy the past couple of months to hold up my chin and put on a happy face. There comes a time when no one's around that finds me grappling to put the pieces back together. Those times started to come more often lately, so often that I barely had time to pull myself together between episodes. I even hid it from PD and am still working on that. Unless he reads here, he could still be unaware. Or just not saying.

But last night I had an epiphany. What has held me together to this point has in large part been due to the kind and caring words and warmth I've received here, from you guys and I'm ever-so grateful. A lot of things have been coming full-circle for me lately and I won't go into detail but so much so that some things demanded my immediate attention. For instance, how I've come to rely on this crazy-cool phenomenon called the Blogosphere.

Life per se is/was getting too big and scary for me and I was seeking refuge here. It became my safety net, my haven, my little world-away-from-world. Such a dichotomy though, in that I interact here with people all over the world from all walks of life. And it all happens in this little safe space of aboot six square feet. (No I'm not in a closet, just referring to how much space the chair, keyboard and monitor take up...) Amazing how by closing out the world I can't cope with on one hand, on the other I'm opening up and inviting in the same big old world... Mind-boggling.

Anyway, I found this new blog. I will add it to my blogroll when time permits. The author is a bigger Replacements fan than even I. The blog lead me to some other places where I happened to find out, incidentally, that there is some of my heroe's music featured in a movie called Prozac Nation. This, a movie I'd heard aboot years ago and carelessly filed in the back of my mind to watch someday. (Now, this is one of those full-circle things I'd referred to up there.) The same day I visited my friend Angie's blog (post from Jan 9). Lo and behold, she and my other hero (you can't have too many heroes!) TC were discussing Prozac Nation. So last night when I took PD to reload on his movie stash, the movie jumped out at me from the shelf and I rented it.

I just realized that I'm not nearly half-finished with what I have to say but am going to stop here and finish this post later. My little brain needs a rest and my husband would probly appreciate some attention. And dinner, I bet ;-)

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2007-01-19T17:41:00.000-05:00

IS MY HOUR UP ALREADY?

Remember in the movie Grand Canyon when Mack and Simon met and they were talking aboot how they felt to behold the canyon? One of them commented that he felt "like a gnat that lands on the ass of a cow... chewing its cud next to the road that you ride by on at (somethingty-something) miles an hour. "

You ever feel completely small? Insignificant? Like if you fell off the edge of the world tomorrow it might be weeks before anyone thought to send out a search party? Sure you have. (Don't make me feel all alone in my wallowing.)

As I sit here mindlessly finishing off the bottom layer of a Whitman's Sampler, I'm thinking how I might enjoy a Do Over. Man, would I. Damn, that chocolate truffle was tasty. Why can't there be a secret third layer of just those babies? I think I might set a precedent for utilizing every possible opportunity for doing over. (That was supposed to give the impression that I would use it to the full extent.)

I had always intended to do something with my life that would leave some kind of mark behind when I left. I'm not seeing that I've come even close to accomplishing that. I'm not seeing that I've even changed the world in any way. I have spent so much time trying just to keep up with this life I've created, there hasn't been time left over for any extra stuff. I might think aboot rephrasing that, I don't feel as if I've created my life. I feel more like I inherited it or that it was assigned to me or something. It's sure not anywhere near what I would have chosen for myself.
Please, don't get me wrong, there are a ton of good things aboot my life, things that I wouldn't change if I had the chance. It's just that things have just fallen a bit short of my expectations. I take full blame/credit. I've been less than ardent in my endeavors to build the life I'd dreamed of.

This is what it feels like. Imagine a writer creating a character for a story. The writer gives this character the characteristics and personality that he wishes, to suit the story the writer choses to tell. The character is fictional so cannot possibly be as well-developed and multi-faceted as an actual person. He can only have the characteristics the writer bestows upon him. This is where I come in. I feel like an actress playing the role of me. I can only be the person that the writer has created, as full or well-developed as that might be. But as far as rounding me out, to a full-fledged real, live personna, I've lost my ability to improvise. I know there are tons of parts of me that could be drawn out and developed but I don't have the energy anymore or the tools to do it. And yet I'm unsatisfied with how I've ended up. Maybe not just too tired to explore, maybe too lazy. Wait no, not lazy- not motivated. Sure, I want to be everything I can be, but who else would care??? So why bother, I guess, is what I'm saying. I dunno. Lately my mind has been going in some weird, unchartered places. I hardly know what I think aboot anything anymore. Could explain why I've been so tired. Been on the road alot in my head.

I always wanted to be one of those people who seemed perfectly satisfied just to be. Just to be. That was never nearly enough for me. And it never will be. There are times when I want to jump out of my skin just to get somewhere else, to experience something new. But lately, ah.
Those feelings are all there, randomly bouncing around inside me. But I just can't get the energy or the motivation to go with them. Sounds like a volatile situation to me. I thought it (this state of discontentment, for lack of a better word) would pass. Feels like it might be here to stay. What concerns me the most aboot all this? Usually I can laugh this stuff off.

It's not funny anymore.

God help me and anyone who has to deal with me...

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2007-01-18T18:50:00.000-05:00

DON'T TELL ME I DIDN'T WORK FOR IT

You know, I've never been terribly fond of this song. In fact, I never really even listened to the lyrics until today. And you know what? I realized that years ago I would not have admitted to the character traits described in the song. But turning 50 changes a lot of things... My first impression was "Hey! This song is aboot me!" but then I was instantly disappointed when I realized it's about Everywoman. Yeah, well. So at least I'm in touch with the me I know.

Follow the bouncing ball. (If you don't understand, you're too young to be reading here.)

B*tch - Meredith Brooks
I hate the world today
You're so into me, I know, but I can't change
Tried to tell you, but you look at me like maybe,
I'm an angel underneath, innocent and sweet
Yesterday I cried
You must have been relived to see the softer side
I can understand how you'd be so confused
I don't envy you
I'm a little bit of everything, all rolled into one
I'm a b*tch, I'm a lover,
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint,
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your hell, I'm your dream,
I'm nothin' in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way
So take me as I am, this may mean
You'll have to be a stronger man
Rest assure that when I start to make you nervous
and I'm goin' to extremes, tomorrow I will change
And today won't mean a thing
Chorus
Just when you think you got me figured out
The seasons already changin'
I think it's cool, you do what you do
and don't try to save me
Chorus
I'm a b*tch, I'm a tease,
I'm a goddess on my knees
When you hurt, when you suffer,
I'm your angel undercover
I've been numb, I'm revived, can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it any other way
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I'm alot of other things too. I'm sure you'll be happy to remind me what any of those things might be. PD can fill in all the remaining blanks. And in my defense, there are things that I am also not. Uppermost at the moment being - proud of this lamest of all lame posts. You did read that the way I intended, right? As in, not proud.

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2007-01-17T06:12:00.000-05:00

BRAIN DEAD

Nothing whatsoever to say. Except maybe this- It's only Wednesday and I'm afraid I only have enough energy for this week to make it to Thursday, say aboot noonish...

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2007-01-14T16:46:00.000-05:00

KILLING TIME
(AND REPUTATIONS THE WORLD OVER)

Here's how this works: You don't have to confess your answers, just the amount of your fine. And NO, it is not PER incident (otherwise, some of us would have totals more than the national debt!).
Bring up that calculator, and get to work! And please, be Honest.

Smoked pot -- $10
Did acid -- $5
Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you -- $40
Had sex with someone on the Internet -- $25
Vandalized something -- $20
Had sex on your parents' bed -- $10
Beat up someone -- $20
Crossed dressed -- $10
Given money to stripper -- $25
Been in love with a stripper -- $20
Kissed some one who's name you didn't know -- $10
Hit on some one of the same sex -- $15
Ever drive drunk -- $20
Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk -- $50
Used toys while having sex -- $30
Got drunk, passed out and don't remember the night before -- $20
Went skinny dipping -- $5
Had sex in a pool -- $20
Kissed someone of the same sex -- $10
Had sex with someone of the same sex -- $20
Cheated on your significant other -- $10
Masturbated -- $10
Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend -- $20
Done oral -- $5
Got oral -- $5
Done / got oral in a car while it was moving -- $25
Stole something -- $10
Had sex with someone in jail -- $25
Made a nasty home video -- $15
Had a threesome -- $50
Had sex in the wild -- $20
Been in the same room while someone was having sex -- $25
Had sex with someone 10 years older -- $20
Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27 -- $25
Been in love with two people or more at the same time -- $50
Said you love someone but didn't mean it -- $25
Went streaking -- $5
Went streaking in broad daylight -- $15
Been arrested -- $5
Spent time in jail -- $15
Peed in the pool -- $0.50
Played spin the bottle -- $5
Done something you regret -- $20
Had sex with your best friend -- $20
Had sex with someone you work with at work -- $25
Had anal sex -- $80
Lied to your mate -- $5
Lied to your mate about the sex being good -- $25

So what are your damages? Either I made a calculating mistake or I'm going to Hell. My fine is $3,880. Surely, there must be something wrong with my calculator...

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2007-01-13T16:05:00.000-05:00

PUDDLES, 'MATS AND SQUIRRELS

It's been an interesting day here so far. Poopy and I went grocery shawpin this morning. As I was preparing to back out of the driveway, I noticed PD's archenemy, Mr. Red Squirrel with the Big Balls sitting on the top step of the back porch, big as day and twice as defiant.

You gotta understand, PD has been feuding with this gawdforsaken rodent for a couple of years now. Big Red has decided that our attic is the nicest place around to spend the winter months. PD has actually sat poised with a shooter (LittleJuJu-speak for gun) trying to annihilate the auburn-colored intruder from an upstairs bedroom window. The creature has somehow gotten down in the walls of our house and can be heard gnawing or partying or whatever it is he does in the late hours of the night into the wee hours of the morning. We'd hoped that he'd chew through an electric wire by now and fry his own sorry self. We've got those sonic things plugged into half the outlets in our house that supposedly scare away rodents without big testicles.

There he sat on the step, defying us to do something. Helpless, PD demanded that I blow the car horn at him (really? ... like that will cause the squirrel to shit himself to death or worse, put him into a critter cardiac arrest and we'll have a new and life-like lawn ornament to display in the Spring.) I don't know if you've ever heard that piss-poor excuse for a car horn that they install in a Toyota but as I suspected, the squirrel was staying put. In fact his expression changed from "Hah!" to "Ha ha ha!" Poopy pressed me to re-blow the "horn" and again, no reaction. Before I knew it, PD was out of the car and chasing Big Red down the sidewalk leading to the back of our property. Not an easy feat for a livid man with an ailing sense of balance. In the pouring rain. Had I known his plan, I would have suggested he grab his cane and try beating the living daylights out of the little bugger.

Of course the squirrel outran the wild man. Cussing and swearing, he got back in the car and we got on with our shawpin trip. The best part was in Aisle 7 of the grocery store when I was walking back to PD and the cart tossing a can of cranberry sauce up and down in one hand when I heard the Replacements singing Can't Hardly Wait on the PA. You have no idea how cool that is considering that you just NEVER hear their music ANYwhere. Poopy's head spun in my direction, obviously anxious to see my reaction. My feet left the floor I swear and I never loved my grocey store as much. That was just too cool. CHW is my absolute favorite 'Mat's song.

And I was in an excellent mood then, even when I stepped in a rilly rilly big deep puddle wearing clogs, socks and jeans that were already long, but not as long as that one, soaked leg was when I got home. Yeccchhh. I'm changing into dry clothes while PD is mounding peanut butter on some scary-looking trap thing for bait. I'm assuming that if he ever does nab Big Red, it will be relatively humane and painless for the little fella. Judging by the crazed look in his eyes and that sinister-sounding tune he's humming, I kinda doubt it.

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2007-01-12T22:22:00.000-05:00

STAYING IN ON A RAINY NIGHT...

... screwing around on here with iTunes, Pandora and seeing what other kinds of trouble I can get into. First of all, check out this video. Woot.

Sorry there wasn't a Share This Video button to click on. I hope it works for you. Although I've made leaps and bounds in the whole blogging thing, I still have a lot to learn. Thanks for sticking by me through it all. Don't you just want to whack me upside the head sometimes??? That was rhetorical, no need to respond. As for the video, what a rush that would be! Near the end when Meredith makes a comment, I thought she said "a frickin' lion." In reality that is not what she said. lol

So I made my first venture into the iTunes site. Yeah, I know, Poopy didn't believe me either. I need to put some new music on my iPod since Apple returned my iPod to me empty. The music that I had saved in Media Player now has to be put into iTunes so I can get it on my Pod. Why am I telling you this? You all know this already.

In case you've been anxiously awaiting JuJu's news, she's posted aboot it. I'm sure you'll see why I'm so excited and happy for her and the Mr.

Okay, I'm going to go play now. You all have a good weekend. Join me in missing Simon.

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2007-01-11T20:53:00.000-05:00

FEELING DOWN + SCISSORS = ???

Ok, maybe that wasn't such a good idea.

I've been feeling like I'm not looking my best lately. I guess that's a kind way of saying "like heck." Every woman in the universe knows what I mean. The tan is gone, the tummy could use some toning, hair is blah, skin getting dry, just general crap. The kinds of things that make passing a mirror an Olympic event. Quick dash. You just want to put a bag over your head, grab your sweats and hide from the world. Having to go to work everyday where there are actual people makes it that much worse. I haven't felt like this in a long time. The only thing I really have any instant control over is the hair. So I grabbed the scissors after dinner and proceeded to do what is surely going to piss off my hair stylist. Oh well. She'll probly get over it before I do.

It's not that my hair looks that bad. I've cut my own hair most of my life and up until a couple of years ago, no professional had ever touched my hair. So I did know what I was doing. I just cut it a little shorter than anyone with a brain in January in the Northeast would.

Oh well, it's done now. I guess I'll have to make friends with a hat for a bit. Me and Cecily can occupy our minds with something way bigger and much more important. (No, Cecily is not real and I don't even know anyone by that name.) Let's see, what can we think aboot?

I think this was my first "Girly Post"...

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2007-01-10T20:31:00.001-05:00

WISH I WERE SOMEWHERE WARM

So I click on Create Post and Blogger makes me sign in all over again. WTF. I'm on TC's site and I click on Feanor and absolutely nothing happens. So much for an easy night in BlogWorld.

It's ok because I was only going to whine and feel sorry for myself anyway. Ever get one of those days? Your face is breaking out, your hair can't make up it's mind what it wants to do so you got a few things going on on the outside of your head. Forget what's going on on the inside. Ineedavacationineedavacationineedavacationineedavacation.

I just ate six pieces of Pizza Hut pizza with onions, mushrooms, black olives and green peppers. Yeah, six, you read that right. Now I'm here with my trusty can of cashews and 1 layer of Whitman's Sampler Chocolates. That's because the candy jar I keep on the computer desk is empty except for one caramel.

Shawn Colvin, a fine singer and songwriter is having a birthday today. Her 51st. I'm right behind you, Baby. Have a good one. (LOL, like Shawn reads here.)

I heard my new favorite song today. I'm really not this fickle, it's just been happening more often lately. This one's really awesome. It's called Fate's Right Hand by Rodney Crowell. You have to listen to the whole song and it has to be cranked to appreciate the whole song. I'm sorry, I couldn't find a link to the whole song, this is just 29 minutes and it's before it even gets good. But if you can hear the whole song, it's rilly rilly cool.

If you haven't read JuJuBee today, go there. And if Men's potty habits interest you, go here. Sorry Mark, I just can't get over your post today. It's funny. The post is titled "May I Ask a Personal Question?" If you go there on Thursday, he'll have a new post up. He's cheap. I mean, easy. Wait, no, I meant Fast.

There was some other stuff I wanted to whine aboot, I mean, tell you. But heck if I can remember what. Guess I'll go turn the tube and see what George has to say this time...

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2007-01-09T22:14:00.000-05:00

IF I FROWN ANY HARDER MY FACE WILL CRACK

After a busy day and an even busier night, I come on here to relax and post aboot something, hopefully entertaining. I usually go down my blogroll and catch up on everybody's news and sometimes even get inspired to write here. Tonight however, what is usually a fun and relaxing part of my day ended up entirely something else. Man, Blogger was having issues, Typepad didn't want me to leave comments and I couldn't open my mail in two different places. What's going on? (Good song, by the way. Was it Concrete Blonde or 4 Non-Blondes? I get them mixed up.) Oh wait. It was Marvin Gaye. What was I thinking? Anyway, I'm getting out of here before my face falls off.

I will get to all my projects I've promised. Guess I better not bitch out the Internet. I'm not working like I should either. :-Þ

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2007-01-08T23:23:00.000-05:00

GIRLS NIGHT OUT

Spur of the moment decision. Why else would anyone go out on a Monday night???

And so I have to get to bed. Was a really fun night. Blue Moon :-) Laughed too hard. Danced, but not hard enough. Does on a chair count?

Goodnight.

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2007-01-07T12:51:00.000-05:00

MUSIC IS MY LIFE

I think I'm in love again. New music I'm getting into- Regina Spektor, Begin To Hope in particular. And a song called Fidelity (the video here) especially. While you're there, if you liked Fidelity, watch Samson. It makes me cry. [I always had this weird affinity for Delilah, I think I was her in another life. But that's a story for another day.] Please watch/listen and then try and convince me she's not All That. The video is pretty cool, though the ending is kind of um, messy. I never even heard of her before last Thursday. Now I plan to plug a good-sized chunk of her into my new iPod. Which reminds me, when PD contacted those people and tole them how whacko my pod was acting, they said to return it and they would send a new one. Liars sent my old one back to me. Haven't had time to play with it but it better be functional. The least they could have done was left all my Bought-and-Paid-for iTunes on the damn thing.

Got some bad news today about my favorite musician, PW. Feel really bad aboot it. If you're interested, go here. The Dec. 20th post.

Now for my long-awaited list of favorite cds for the last year. Keep in mind, they are not all current or released in 2006. I'm not fast in all respects. ;-) They are in no particular order.

Y'all are gonna wanna smack me in the ass but due to an unexpected chain of events, I'll not be finishing this post today as planned. Music is my life??? Not today, my friends. Today my life is answering phones, making phone calls, consoling, cajoling, caroling (oh wait, not that) and making multiple attempts at finishing this lame post. Oh and laundry and checkbook balancing and crap like that.

The unexpected chain: My daughter spent the better part of the wee morning hours at the ER with her lone self and a kidney stone. Honest to Pete, we had just talked aboot that very thing on the phone yesterday. Until the birth of her third baby, she had always believed that the pain associated with passing a kidney stone was more painful than giving birth. Babe #3 changed her mind. She had experience with a stone years ago and was surprised that her first delivery (and then the second) paled in comparison to the pain passing a stone. Anyway, she feels ok right now and the stone is only 1 millimeter but I'm pretty sure she'll feel it in the next day or two.

Also my nephew is having surgery tomorrow morning for a collapsed lung. He's had to postpone an important job interview already and will likely, again. He's a college student and due back in classes before his recovery time will be up. He's Hazel's son, incidentally. Her SO has the flu.

Can it get worse? I'm sure but I'm hoping not to find out. It's hard trying to keep all these people laughing. Music is my life. Yeah. And Laughter is the Best Medicine.

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2007-01-06T12:45:00.000-05:00

LA LA LAND

Had an utterly disconcerting experience this morning. I woke up around 9:30 which was way longer than I wanted to sleep. When I woke I was unusually disoriented and it was several minutes before I could discern what day it was. Granted, I am sleeping in the spare bedroom, a result of lack-of-time/motivation to replace sheets on all the beds since the kids were here for the Holiday. So that (not being in my usual bed) may have had a little to do with it but even after I got up and for an hour or so afterward, it was as if my brain refused to get in the necessary gear to begin my day. The longer it went on the more concerned I was getting. PD sarcastically remarked when I expressed concern aboot my dilemma, that the cause was not having been on the computer. Which made not a lick of sense to me, but I threw together a breakfast of sorts and came here and commenced to clicking on my daily blogroll and within a minute or two I was fine... It was weird. My thinking was just kind of not there. My usual routine on the weekend is to make coffee and sit down and plan out my day. I usually have one or ten "to do" lists floating around from the previous week, with or without individual tasks and activities crossed off. I play catch-up on the weekend. Being that this past week was pretty full, there were a lot of things I need to accomplish today and tomorrow. I couldn't even find a list, so I had to start over. Nothing would come to me. Please don't ever find yourself in a place like that, it's unnerving and a little scary. Kind of like a panic attack but without the physical symptoms. Just brain dead. Or nearly. I'm glad that it seems to have passed. Be glad for me too. One thing I cannot and refuse to give up is [what is left of] my capacity to reason and remember.

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2007-01-04T22:01:00.000-05:00

QUE SERA SERA

Blogger is running slow and being pissy tonight so I'm not even going to attempt to post. Not up for the aggravation. I'll be back tomorrow (Friday!!!) night and have something interesting to say. Unless nothing happens between now and then and in that case I'll make something up. Or post some music. Whatever. Have a good night/day. Leave me a good joke or a recipe or a pet peeve or a question or a compliment or even an insult- so I'll have something to read.

But Goodnight for now.

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2007-01-03T22:18:00.000-05:00

(I removed an image here of a wolf sillouetted by a full moon. It was creating like a dozen search strings a day to my site. That seemed freaky to me...)

Hey, I'm finding no time for blogging. It's a case of double avoidance (tactics #22 AND #133) I seem to be avoiding blogging lest you find out that I'm avoiding the studio... So tonight I watched my Collective Soul~ Home dvd and danced. The dancing is tactic #57- to avoid actual exercising. The dvd is 4 stars IMHO.

Going to take my walk (full Moon!) and get my ass in bed. I overslept this morning (had ten minutes to get ready for work- ack!!!) so I want to get a bit more zzz's tonight.

Oh btw- you all did realize that my first list of singles were (was?) all links so you could listen to the songs, right? Sorry, didn't have time to do the second list. Besides, I doubt if a lot of that music is even on Amazon and didn't feel like hunting down other links.

It's probly not good to start out a new year being all slackery.

PS A few new pics in the top Flickr box

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2007-01-02T21:00:00.000-05:00

WHERE'S WALDO???

That's what these pictures remind me of. That's what standing in the middle of this mess reminds me of too, actually. I haven't really used this room since I went on the night shift last March and it's just sort of become a junk-magnet. When I come across something that's in my way or doesn't have a real "home," it ends up in this room. My beloved studio. Where I keep all my "stuff" that makes me feel creative and comfortable and unique. My very own little corner of the world where no one else trespasses, unless of course they are going to the attic. That explains why there is always at least a path through the room...

I spent the majority of New Year's Day organizing and cleaning this room and with any luck I will find time before February to finish it. And if you can all persuade me to get my ass off this computer, maybe I can get some actual artwork started and feel like a real human being for a change.

Right now I am going to go for a little walk around the house and check out that big bright Moon and then turn in. I'm whooped. One day this week I'd planned to post a list of my favorite cds of the year but probably won't post it since nobody knows anybody I listen to...

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2007-01-01T11:16:00.000-05:00

PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE WHINER...

...at the keyboard last night. Feeling sorry for oneself and alcohol do not an attractive coupling make. Wah, wha, wha. :-Þ Nor do the after-effects of said combination.

Did, however, find the other list of my favorite singles of the past year. And it plays something like this:

Sundown ~ Elwood
Spaceship ~ Angie Aparo
Ten O'Clock Your Time ~ The Waxwings
Hot One~ Shudder to Think
Joy ~ Gay Dad
Free to Go ~ Folk Implosion
Barrel of a Gun ~ Guster
Falling Star ~ Showoff
Legends ~ Indigo Spirit
For the Movies ~ Buck Cherry
Afrika Shox ~ Leftfield
Scars ~ Witness UK
Consolidation ~ Impermanence/Gravity Remix
Reality Check ~ OPM
The Crystal Lake ~ Granddaddy
Touch And Go ~ Vibrolush
Hyperspace ~ Nada Surf
To Be Young (Is to be Sad) ~ Ryan Adams
Rollin' Tumblin' ~ R. L. Burnside
Bongo Bong ~ Manu Chao
Give You All the Love ~ Mishka
Hum ~ Splashdown
Beatbox Rocker ~ Westbam
Peace Tonight ~ Indigo Girls
Color of the Sun ~ Willard Grant Conspiracy
Mr. E's Beautiful Blues ~ Eeels
Mary's Son ~ Unamerican
Flake ~ Jack Johnson
Broken ~ Everlast
Calamity Jane ~ Grant Lee Phillips
Let There Be Love ~ Icehouse
Ruby ~ Jambone

I know I'm missing some, but if I don't soon get this posted, I won't.

Worked most of today trying to get my studio back in an operational state. I took "before" pictures and when I'm done, I'll post them with an "after" picture. It should be amusing.

My horoscope told me to take care of that... And while I'm on the subject, I'm excited to find that later this week, an ex-lover (a Cancer no less) is going to contact me and ask me for a favor. Hmmn.

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2007-01-01T01:23:00.000-05:00

NOT EVEN A KISS ...

As if it isn't embarrassing enough to be sitting home in front of a keyboard on New Year's Eve... I will probably be the only one in the Blogosphere with a post up this morning. Now if there was a rilly, rilly cool prize for the first post of 2007, I'd be laughing at alla' you. But if there is, I don't know anything aboot it. So I guess that just makes me lame.

But no, I'm pitiful. Ju called at midnight, God bless her, and I hated to tell her PD was in bed and I was in front of the computer. But hey, that's how it was. (is.) Actually, we had been invited to a party very close to home, which I was thrilled aboot. Mostly because I could enjoy a few drinks and not have to worry aboot driving home, I could drink and walk without too much trouble. But PD had felt like crap all day, took a nap and woke up feeling even worse. I spent the day with my mom and came home around 7 pm expecting a fun night out with friends.

Instead, I ripped some music and looked at Flickr pics and read aboot a hundred blogs. Then I even Googled One Wink at a Time. And check out something I found- a blog I'd commented on back in January of last year. It's funny. Click here to read the post; my comment is way down near the bottom. What it's aboot is some guy who objects to, of all things, winking.

I guess now I'll go take my make-up off, brush all the goo outta my hair, take off these tight jeans and party-going sweater and put me on some sweatpants and welcome in the New Year with another drink and maybe some funky music, white boy.

I hope you all had a rip-roaring, havoc-wreaking good time last night and no hangover today.
And I wish you a Happy and Healthy 2007 and may all your dreams come true.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
My Horoscope: January 1, 2007
You are likely to have always been artistic in one way or another, Linda, but today you might realize that your creativity is more extensive and insightful than you previously thought. Perhaps the work of a great poet, musician, painter, or dramatist might awaken new ideas and inspiration. Make some notes; keep a record of the works you saw or heard so that you can go back to them again later. Also write down any dreams you may have.
Combined with the fact that this is New Year's Day, the current planetary aspect may find you feeling in a more thoughtful frame of mind. You are certainly not in the mood to make any promises without a lot of careful consideration. Thoughts about the future of a particular relationship may also be uppermost in your mind. Whilst you realize just how much you have to offer each other, wait before making an irrevocable decision.

***************************** 2007 ******************

2006-12-30T15:27:00.000-05:00

MUSIC FAVORITES (Singles) FOR 2006

These are in no particular order. Some are new, some are old, some I didn't appreciate fully the first time around. Some, I'm just getting around to now. And lots, I'm sure, I'm forgetting. It's just a sampling of what I've listened to and loved this past year. Sorry, couldn't find links for a couple.

Crazy ~ Gnarls Barkley
Train ~ Robert Bradley's Blackwater Surprise
Flying on a Blue Dream ~ Joe Satriani
Blood Red Summer ~ Coheed and Cambria
16 Horses,
Circles ~ Soul Coughing
The Revolution Starts Now ~ Steve Earle
Lonely No More ~ Rob Thomas
Love and Memories ~ OAR
Walking After You ~ The Foo Fighters
Soul Meets Body~ Death Cab For Cutie
Cry Love ~ John Hiatt
You're Beautiful,
High ~ James Blunt
My Divine ~ Diana
Arc of Time,
Easy/Lucky/Free ~ Bright Eyes
Imaginary Lover,
So Into You ~ Atlanta Rhythm Section
Scarecrow ~ Beck
No One Has to Cry ~ the Fixx
Night in my Veins ~ the Pretenders
We Care A lot ~ Faith No More
It's All Been Done ~ Bare Naked Ladies
Posession ~ Sarah MacLachlan
White Flag ~ Dido
Fisherman Blues ~ The Waterboys
Breathe Me ~ Sia
Way Out ~ Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Post-War ~ M. Ward
Love You in the Fall ~ Paul Westerberg
And just aboot Everything by ~ The Cure

I had a nother whole list going but I seem to have misplaced it. There's a bunch by Collective Soul and I know I'm forgetting some newer stuff. Crazy and Train are right up at the top of my list, I am sure of that.

Join me in wishing Wonderful Paul Westerberg a Happy 47th birthday. Love and Hugs, Paul!

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2006-12-28T20:52:00.000-05:00

HEAVE A SIGH...

... not of relief, but of longing. If I were allowed to use the time machine that Simon "gave" me for Christmas for just one other thing besides seeing the Replacements perform, I would go back to the weekend and live it over. This was one of the most beautiful Christmas holidays that I've had. I probly say that every year, but I'm impressionable that way.

Ju and Mr. JuJu and the Three Little JuJu Kids left today and I miss them terribly already. Coming home from work to a quiet house, finding PD sullen and alone, was awful. I am never as happy as I am when this house if bustling and brimming with people I love. It doesn't matter if the house gets trashed or the sink is piled high with dishes or the phone is ringing off the hook or whatever, when PD and I have a houseful, I am blissful. God has blessed me with two wonderful kids, a great family and wonderful friends and I feel so fortunate.

The fact that I had to work all week was a holy downer, yes. But that was my own fault for using up all my vacation time this summer and the days that I didn't enjoy, I used up being sick. My friends at work and I are starting a campaign to have our company shut down for two weeks next year before the Christmas holiday. Yeah, right.

But anyway, we had a lovely day, the morning spent with my in-laws, the afternoon with my side of the family and the evening here with our offspring. (Ugh, why did I write that? I hate that word. It sounds like some kind of clone/mutation thing.) The kids, rather.

As an added note, my favorite gift (in real life) came from my grandson, Little J. He presented me with a Rainbow Fish bookmark and Milk Duds. Which he, himself, wrapped. Beautifully.

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2006-12-26T22:26:00.000-05:00

HI HO, HI HO...

Holiday was wonderful. Still smiling and having that warm, fuzzy feeling. Good thing... Baby, it's getting cold outside.

More on Christmas when time permits. Hope you all had your own great day. Tell me you did.

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2006-12-25T23:22:00.000-05:00

TIME FOR PAYBACKS!

Everybody gather around and see what I got you for Christmas. Shopping with no restrictions was so much fun! It's fun and easy to shop when you don't have to work within a budget and the sky's the limit.

I'm enjoying the virtual gifts from each of you. You were all so generous! Thank you so much.

Now Natalie, you were fun to shop for. I went to Spencer's and bought you something for everyday of the year to make you laugh. Not just laugh, but the way you and I used to laugh at work everyday- to the point of tears and sore stomach muscles. And then I ran into Bon-Ton and picked out the most beautiful blue cardigan I could find. I was going to knit one for you but who the h--- has that kind of time???

Mark, I'm enjoying the cd, that was so nice and thoughtful of you. I hope you like your gift. It's a recording studio with aboot a gazillion technologically advanced gadgets so that you can play and make noise until the cows come home. Moo.

Jeff, thanks for the Coke. It wasn't easy and I had to pull a few strings but I got you a new knee. It had to be back-ordered, but that's ok because now you have time to tell me what color you want. They have flourescent pink, green and orange. There's a lifetime warranty and it's completely waterproof. (All joking aside, if I could, that is what I would want to give you.)

Cas, how thoughtful your gift was. And it brings out the green in my eyes... I found the perfect gift for you yesterday in Peebles. It's a scarf made completely of little mink balls. And by that I mean balls of mink fur. (I hate to think what all the rest of you were thinking.) But it's so soft and pretty and expensive-looking. I hope you like it. I'd say it goes with everything...

Oh, Simon. What a gift! I will get plenty of use out of that. And I understand completely the risk of abuse and will behave accordingly. Thanks! I'll get you a T-shirt. But that's not your gift. First thing I thought to get you was an iPod. But I decided instead to give you unlimited Flyer Miles on the airline of your choice. When you and Amy want to spend grown-up time, you can just whisk Tav and Dex down here to Aunt Linda's and have yourself a weekender. Selfish gift, I know. I'll throw in the iPod to make up for that detail.

Mokshazzam, thank you! Very thoughtful gift. You're feeding my vices. I'm not going to return the favor (that would make me an enabler) but I found a way to make Norah's childhood last twice as long. There may be times now and then that you'll curse me, but considering the big picture, you'll appreciate it immensely.

TC, thanks man. I had a helluva Bash with all the B stuff. But one thing, you forgot the Boys. So I borrowed some. For you, I tracked down a publisher. I know maybe you'd never thought of writing for the whole world, but you're good at it and I think everybody should know. She's yours for as long as you need her and when you're famous, please remember us back here. ;-) And since you always make me laugh, I got you a bottomless refrigerator that will always be full of brew. Don't drink and drive, Dude.

Now that was my best shopping trip so far. No crowds, no parking headaches, didn't have to change out of sweatpants. The wrapping took up no room at all, I got no papercuts and didn't run out of tape. Not once. I think I might shop like this next year too, for everybody.

And for my readers who are "invisible," I know you were thinking of me and that's a gift in itself.

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2006-12-24T22:13:00.000-05:00

STICK A FORK IN ME...

It's Christmas Eve. It's 10:17 PM EST. I am going to go pour myself a good, stiff drink. Then I am going to take a long, hot shower and I am going to bed. It's been a long day. :-)))))))))))))

I feel like a little kid, I can't wait for tomorrow morning.

Merry Christmas with Love.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

2006-12-23T22:54:00.000-05:00

THE REASON FOR THE SEASON

I want to wish you and your family, friends and loved ones a Blessed
and memorable Holiday.
I hope you feel the true Christmas Spirit and share love and laughter with those near and dear to you.

May God Bless you and keep you Happy and Healthy and in His care.

With Love from Me to You.

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2006-12-21T17:51:00.001-05:00

AVOIDANCE TACTIC # 147

147. Alphabetize your cd collection.

Guess what I did last night? (You all know me so well.)

You see, my Christmas gift from PD is a huge cd cabinet. I should take a picture but that requires time I don't have. It holds 542 cds if I remember correctly. There are 7 shelves and they are aboot 80 cds wide. I started with Arcade Fire and got as far as No Doubt. I have 3 empty shelves yet. I'm hoping to save the last two for movie soundtracks and compilations, but I don't know... Initially I invited PD to include his collection with mine but he assured me that both would not fit. I guess it's kind of a good thing he didn't wanna. As it is, I packed up all my country cds and put them in a box. I hadn't listened to them in a few years. I did rescue 3 or 4 that I just can't part with.

Normally, I NEVER open gifts before the holiday but this cabinet was kind of taking up a whole lot of space hiding in the dining room. And we decided that if we set it up in the living room, we could remove all the other pieces of furniture that were storing cds and free up some space for entertaining. So, I broke a rule. Don't tell Santa.

So now I will have all my music (at least the cds) in one place. And in order. What a time saver that will be. And Lord knows, I need all the time I can get.

I'm also beginning to think that I need all the time management counselling I can get.

Natalie, get off here and go do your homework, dammit. ;-)

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2006-12-20T17:15:00.000-05:00

I'M SORRY. I COULDN'T RESIST.
PICTURE HERE DELETED- was causing a ridiculous barrage of weird search strings.

What did you think, that I would post a picture of a bunch of half-naked women in Santa hats?
Check out the third guy from the left (with his arms up in the air) and tell me what you think he might be thinking or saying. Have fun with it.

BTW, the "click to embiggen" feature only works on the entire pic, not individual parts...

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2006-12-19T17:39:00.000-05:00

NO PEEKING

I decided to make y'all wait till the big day to get your virtual gifts. You see, I had a party at work today and lots to do before and after and didn't really get much time to put lots of thought and consideration into gift-giving. Real or not, I don't want to give crappy gifts.

Are you sick of the questions? If you are, don't answer them and I'll consider it your anti-vote.
Otherwise, bear with me. I don't have the time for a real post. Besides, I like your answers.

1) If you could change your gender, would you? (and why, briefly.)
2) Do you have a good luck charm?
3) First thing that attracted you to your mate.
4) One thing (aside from a person or persons) without which, you could not get through the day.
5) What are you reading right now?

Okay, I tried to make these quick and easy. See you later.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2006-12-18T21:37:00.000-05:00

SANTA BABY

I'm sorry if you came back again and there's still nothing here. I'm a little bogged under. I had to sacrifice (in the interest of time management) either reading blogs or writing one.

In order that this space doesn't shrivel up and die while I'm (guess.) writing out Christmas cards (still.) maybe you could leave me a message. I know! How's this, if time or space or money or ANYthing were no object, what would you give me for a Christmas present? For each of you who leaves an answer, I will tell you what I would give to you. This might be fun ;-)

Play nice. Or not...

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2006-12-15T18:15:00.000-05:00

JUST KILLIN' TIME...

... until PD wakes up from a nap so we can have dinner. Had a good day at work and a good week too. Funny how some people put on their best faces just because the holiday is near. I could never understand why, if they can do it for a few weeks, why not all the time? It's so much easier to be nice and smile than it is to be grumpy and contrary. No sense in condemning them tho' for making an effort, so I'm just enjoying it.

Since y'all seem to have egos and enjoy talking aboot yourselves, here are some more questions that need some answering... Dual purpose; make you feel good and satisfy my curiosity. ;-)

1) What item would you choose to put into a time capsule that would best represent you?
2) What is your favorite slow-dance song?
3) How many pillows do you sleep with?
4) What's your favorite euphemism for "making out"?
5) What color are your eyes?

I was blog-surfing instead of doing Christmas cards last night. Came across some artwork I really liked. The artist is Lisa Hammer. I went to her website and found out she is quite a versatile kinda gal. If you're interested at all, go check her out. The artwork I especially liked is shown up there. It's legal for me to post that here, right, if I give the artist credit?

Have a good weekend.

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2006-12-14T16:49:00.000-05:00

ON THE LIGHTER SIDE

Nothing planned to write today, so I'll probly just end up rambling...

Good news to share and I'm knocking on wood as I type this- I am beginning to feel better every day. My ribs are just kind of sore now instead of the kind of pain I'd had. I can actually reach and bend without flinching and I'm, oh, so very glad. I still get worse at the end of the day but not nearly as bad. Thanks for all your thoughts and caring through this ordeal. PD is coming along too but sad to say, not as well as I am. The weather changes wreak havoc (Hi TC!) with his head and ears and he's still coughing. And sore. And grouchy. Very. (shhhhh... don't say I told.)

Started watching the second Pirates of the Carribean last night. Fell asleep. It was my own fault for neglecting writing Christmas cards. (Avoidance technique #86- rent dvd to watch.) Frankly, in the first half hour I was afraid I wasn't going to like it. I thought Johnny/Jack was overdoing the sashay thing a bit. But I got past that and was fine. I will finish it tonight instead of finishing cards.

When I came home today, PD was reading this. Thought you might be interested. Kinda trippy if you ask me. Imagine...

Okay, I'm going to watch the movie and eat dinner and see what else I can find to do. I might run off a few more copies of my Christmas letter and print a few pictures. I'll need them when I get around to finishing the cards. Don't you hate those incidental things that you have to do before you can do the main thing? In the words of the great Rose Ann Rosanndanna, "It's always somethin'. If it's not one thing, it's another..." I loved that woman.

.......................................................................................................

2006-12-13T17:15:00.000-05:00

YESTERDAY (cont.)

I met Rick when I was a senior in High School. I was "dating" a sophmore who was sweet and cute, despite his lack of a driver's license... Rick was his best friend. Rick was also sweet and older and not only had his driver's license but a hot Mach I to boot. He was as good a friend as he was a chauffeur ;-) He was the kind of guy who would do anything for anybody, nice as they come. I remember him being a terrific tennis player. He lived with his parents at the time and when I met up with him again last year after not having seen him since, oh, I don't know-aboot 1970-something, he still lived in the same house. Both his parents had since died and he'd taken care of both of them when they developed health problems later in their lives. He'd been so devoted to taking care of his family that he basically put his own life on hold and, as a result, had never married or had children.

One evening last year aboot this time, PD and I were having dinner in a restaurant. While we were waiting for our food I was looking around at people and across the way I noticed someone who vaguely reminded me of Rick. Knowing how much time had passed, I tried to imagine what he might look like. I decided this man looked much too old to be my old friend. Besides that, he seemed to be handicapped. Over the course of time waiting for our food, I kept finding myself watching this poor man trying to eat his food and as the time passed, I suspected that it might indeed, be him. Before long I was convinced that it was and excused myself from our table and approached him. By the time I reached him, there was no doubt in my mind that this bent and crippled man was my dear old friend. He looked up at me and for a second, didn't know who I was. By this time, my eyes were welled-up with tears. I said "Rick." He said, "Linda?" I nodded. He put his fork down and reached toward me with his good arm. "Oh my God" he said and began to cry. When I hugged him, he returned a hearty, one-armed squeeze.

Rick's younger brother was sitting across from him in the booth and I introduced myself. He had been a mere boy the last time I'd seen him and I knew he wouldn't have remembered me. He slid over and motioned for me to sit. I motioned to PD to let him know I'd be a few minutes and sat there while Rick and I quickly caught up on how he came to be in the condition that kept me from recognizing him right away. He had developed diabetes, had several strokes and lost most of the use of one side of his body. His face drooped a bit on one side and it was difficult to understand some of his speech but his sunny disposition still shone through, despite all his problems. To make a long story short, we exchanged phone numbers and promised to keep in touch.

I have sent cards to Rick on each holiday since then and each time he has called to thank me cheerfully and ask about the family and what was new. The Thanksgiving card I sent was not acknowledged but I attributed it to the business (busy-ness?) of this time of year. I mailed a Christmas card to him on Friday. Yesterday when I came home from work, PD reported that Rick had called and hoped I would call him back. So I did.

He thanked me for the card and I asked him how he'd been feeling. He told me that he was having laser surgery on his eye today. It would be the 4th surgery he's had on the same eye. I understand that when his sugar level gets too high, it causes hemorrhages and blindness in his eye. They must go in and cauterize to stop the bleeding. He sounded apprehensive so I reassured him as much as I could and decided to move on to a more cheerful topic and asked him how his Christmas plans were shaping up. He started to cry. I was totally not prepared. When I asked him what was wrong, he told me that he didn't want to have Christmas and was tired and didn't care to live any longer. He has no friends and no one to care about him. Gulp. What in the hell do you say to someone who confesses to you that they want to die? I spent the next hour or so talking to him, reaching far into my heart and brain to find something, anything, to say to him to convince him otherwise. Have you ever tried to do that??? Let me tell you that I am completely unqualified medically, socially, spiritually, whatever... to deal with a situation like this. He did at one point, tell me that he'd talked to his Priest and promised he wouldn't hurt himself and he sounded sincere. At a point when I was nearing emotional exhaustion, failing to convince him he needed to talk to a professional, I asked him to allow me to call him today and see how the surgery went. He said he'd appreciate that but it wasn't necessary. I convinced him that I was being selfish and that I'd worry if I didn't hear from him. He agreed that we'd talk today and I felt relieved somewhat, that I'd at least bought some time. I called when I got home from work, got no answer and left a message that I would call back after dinner. I'm hoping to talk to his brother and make sure that he gets some kind of help. So that's why I asked for prayers...

Quick update: I talked to Rick last night, the surgery went well, his sight is coming back. He is in much better spirits. His brother took him shopping yesterday and he actually bought a light-up angel and a light-up tree to hang in his window. Thanks for your good thoughts and prayers. I'm going to see him in a couple of days.

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2006-12-12T22:34:00.000-05:00

A FAVOR?

For those of you inclined - using the time that you would normally spend reading here, would you please say a prayer for a dear, dear old friend of mine, Rick, who's having an exceptionally hard time right now? I'm really worried about him. Will explain later. Thanks. I'll love ya forever.

Thanks too for all your answers on yesterday's post. :-)

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2006-12-11T20:28:00.000-05:00

I GOT NUTHIN'

I sat down here with not a thought in my head. After two minutes of staring at this white square, I'm still getting nuthin'. Maybe I'll ask more questions and rely on my friends to do the thinking part of this post. Are you game? I'll try to keep it simple so you don't have to cut into work time, or too much anyway. Please lurkers, put your two cents in too. You can be anonymous, I don't mind. Natalie does it all the time. ;-)

1) What is the oldest item in your wallet? (not including cash)
2) Last time you told someone you loved them? (when and who)
3) Favorite Christmas Carol?
4) Guilty pleasure?
5) What are you most likely doing on a Sunday morning?

Ok, that's it. There are so many things I want to know aboot you, this will have to do for now.

And here's a funny, totally unrelated Quote: "Boy, those French- they have a different word for everything." ~ Steve Martin :-)

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2006-12-10T19:35:00.000-05:00

*******************************
TA DA !!!

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2006-12-09T15:22:00.000-05:00

OVERWHELMED AND UNDER PRESSURE

Had a hard time with this title, typed Overwhelmed and Under... what? Paid? Definitely. Stress? Absolutely. Understaffed was definitely in the running. Duress? Ha! Poopy is cracking the holiday whip and it's coming dangerously close to reddening my butt.

Last night's plan was to have a friend over, drink some beer and we would decorate the tree. It didn't happen and that is probly for the best, as PD informed me in no uncertain terms that tree-decorating is a family activity. Guess my idea was sacrilegious or something. So I went to sleep last night with the intention of getting up early and having at the tree.

In the morning hours after I rolled out of bed, my Avoidance strategy kicked in, big time. I made my coffee, came on here and read every blog I've visited in the past year. Even a few I haven't. Then I downloaded some music and read some mail and played some Spider Solitaire. Then I smoked a cigarette and made two lists of everything else I'm avoiding. Then I wrote out a Christmas card. Then I ate breakfast. Then I turned the TV on and watched the weather, which was a total waste of time since the ground is covered with snow and that means it's cold.
I did, however, catch the preview of one of those popular medical comedies that everyone watches that gave me a chuckle. Scrubs, maybe. A "doctor" said something like this... "I'm pretty sure if they took porn off the Internet, the only site left on the whole Internet would be called 'Bring Back the Porn'." And what he said before that reminded me of JuJu, which was something like this... "I'm pretty sure if the person in line in front of me in the coffee shop hasn't decided yet what they want in the half-hour that we've been waiting in line, it's okay if I kill them."

I did a bunch of other stuff too, but I finally got the tree decorated. Finished around 3 pm.

Oh, and today in the mail I received a check in the amount of $2.35 from a bank in the town I grew up in for "Distribution" from the Estate of John C----, someone I've never heard of in my life. Have to look into that, I guess. That will give me something to do, I guess, when I'm looking for things to do to avoid writing out the rest of my Christmas cards.

And get this- One day last week I visited Moksha Gren's brother Jet's site on Myspace. In order to leave a comment, I had to set up an account. All I did was establish a username and password and for practice, I put my picture there. Then I left a few comments on Jet's site and left. Last night Ju and I were on IM and we were talking aboot it, for another reason. I went there and not only did I find my picture there but my age, address, zodiac sign, marital status (single! ha) and a statement that I do not wish to have children, for gawdsake. And there is no such thing on the page as an edit button OR a delete option. I was pissed. Oh well, whatever.

I came across this quote this morning when I was reading Blinded by the Lyrics by Brent Mann, when I should have been draping garland... "Somebody has to do something, and it's just incredibly pathetic that it has to be us." I could ask you to guess who may have said this, but then I'd just have to be coming back here over and over again all day to check answers. And I have better, er, more important, pressing things to do. It was the late, great Jerry Garcia. No, I've never been a fan but the quote struck me funny.

K, I'm going to go do something that has absolutely nothing to do with the upcoming holiday. And then tomorrow I'll post more on Avoidance Techniques 101.

Have a good weekend. And those of you who need to update blogs, please do so. Now.

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2006-12-07T21:34:00.000-05:00

OUT THERE

Just thought this was interesting... Concerning David Byrne of The Talking Heads, Punk Magazine reported this bit of news in 1976- When David (Byrne -which is my MIL's maiden name as a matter-of-fact) applied for admission to Rhode Island School of Design, he submitted a project: Xerox copies of Etch-a-Sketch maps of each of the fifty states. The admissions board took one look, and said they were sorry, there was nothing more they could do for him.

Wish I had thought of that. The Etch-a-Sketch thing, not the board thing.

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2006-12-06T20:57:00.000-05:00

WHAT COLOR IS YOUR THINKING CAP?

Sorry, internet. I'm not finding the time to post tonight. Which could be a good thing, considering that my readers went a little apeshit on me yesterday. ;-) Is that one word or two?
I'm letting this up to you and hoping against hope I don't live to regret it. I'll ask you a few questions and let it go from there. Pick one or two or answer them all. Have fun with it. :-)

1) If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
2) If you could change places with anyone for a day who would it be? And why?
3) What is your favorite position?
4) By some strange twist of fate, you find yourself standing in front of me. What do you say?
5) If you had to pick a nickname for me besides Wink, what would it be?

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2006-12-05T20:49:00.000-05:00

BIG AND FAT

Today started out just like yesterday (except my hair looked much better). And when I walked out the door to leave for work, there were big, fat beautiful snowflakes falling under a big, fat beautiful full Moon. It was beautiful. And then I had a very good day.

Until tonight when my side was hurting so bad I had to take a big, fat pink pill belonging to a family of narcotics. Now I am going to take my big, fat butt to bed, hug a couple of big, fat pillows and hope I dream of some big, fat snowflakes falling under a big, fat full Moon.

Yeah, I took the pill aboot a half an hour ago. What's your point?

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2006-12-04T18:54:00.000-05:00

MY DAY

Today was an absolutely perfect day, take away the cold wind. And the fact that I had to get up at 5:30 and didn't get up until 5:45 and ended up having to rush around. And that my hair looked like shit. And that I had to spend it at work. Other than those little details, good day.

Came home from work and read some excellent blogs (my usuals, which are the best OTW*).

PD had ordered me a cd from Amazon or eBay, I forget which. I think he ordered it Friday and it came today, quick! What an amazing, kick-ass awesome cd! It's RoBert BradlEy's BlAckwater SuRprise (band) New Ground (cd). You seriously have to buy, download, steal, whatever it is you do to hear this cd. I am fighting the urge to use the eff word to convince you how good this cd is! Before I finish here, I'll check YouTube and see if I can find some of their music for you.
I heard the song Train on Friday morning and was so taken with it I came home and checked out the band and liked what I heard. There's even a song on the cd called Lindy. Which means nothing to you, I know, unless you know my real name ;-) Which is "Delilah." ;-)

Anyway, there was so much positive energy and laughter in my life today. I love days like this. Aside from all that crap up there, of course. But those things are the little price tags attached to the big, good things, huh? You know it.

Sorry, couldn't find much good on YT. You'll just have to trust me on this one.

*On the Web

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2006-12-03T20:30:00.000-05:00

SUNDAY BLOODY SUNDAY*

*or How to Not Get into the Christmas Spirit...

Eye've ben lessenin' tu piearates onna cd taday seengin' ther bloody chants 'n ballads and chanteys awl murnin'. En nowh eyem fyenden misself tawken lyke the bloody whoren' en swiggen' pigs thee ayre. Tha langwege thayre uzin' is lyke sumpthin' me virgin eers have naught heerd en me lyfe. Blimey. But bloody hell, if eyem naught enjoyen' the damthin'. Eyem cleenin' me hoose an lessinin' tu tha lykes a' Sting an' Bono an' Nick Cave an' Bryan Ferry an' Jolie Holland an' Lou Reed, ta nayme a few. Tha eff wurd is flyen' arownd me hoose lyke thars moore brawlin' gowen awn heer then holiday prep'ration. En partickular, a song bye Nick Cave, tha name o' Fyre Down B'low. Holy Muthera Gawd. Some-un needs ta wash that boy's filthy craw out with sum lye soap.

So, yeah, I started out today determined to get myself a piece of the Ol' Christmas Spirit. Somewhere things took a zany turn and I ended up listening to Rogue's Gallery. Very interestin' piece o' work, I must say. Not something you wanna slam in the cd player with the kiddies runnin' around, but for putting up the tree? Hell yeah.

If you don't know aboot this cd, it was produced by Johnny Depp and Gore Verbinski. The two conspired during the filming of Pirates of the Carribean. The actual story of how the project got off the ground is quite interesting. You'll have to read the book (that comes with the cd.) As I am a bit worn out from all the swashbuckling and grog-swigging I've been indulging in all day, this is aboot as much of a review as yer gonna git from me tonight, Matey. ;-) I liked it. Period.

So I guess I'll get in the Spirit another day. (If you had trouble reading that first paragraph, I suggest reading it out loud. That's what me and my bloody friends do...)

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2006-12-02T09:48:00.000-05:00

WHEN I WOKE

Did I happen to mention that when I woke up on Friday it was 60 degrees and when I woke up today it was 28 degrees? WTF?

Speaking of wtf, I'm not sure if I heard this right but I'm pretty sure... I turn the news on in the am to check the weather. The tv is on in the background when I'm getting ready for work and I am half-tuned in to what is on. Yesterday morning I swear I heard that Oprah's topic for Monday will be "Holiday dressing for couples in their twenties." Sometimes I just think this world and it's priorities are simply and undoubtably FUBAR.

I accomplished an unbelievable amount of housework today. Just thought I'd share that because I have nothing else to report because that's all I did today. Tomorrow I plan to get all my summer clothes packed up and transported to the attic.

Well, I've successfully broken two of my own personal blogging rules in one post. One- to never revert to discussing something as boring as the weather and Two- to never revert to discussing something as mundane as housework. I guess I should retitle this post as Boring and Mundane.

It's not too late to redeem myself, er, my post. How's this:

3.2 million Firecrackers

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2006-12-01T21:07:00.000-05:00

The Waterboys - The Whole Of The Moon

I found a song this week that is stuck in my head. It's called Fisherman's Blues by the Waterboys. I thought I didn't know them. But nosing around in YouTube, I came across this, one of my favorite songs of all time but oddly enough, I didn't know who did it. Surprise! It's the Waterboys. I love when shit like this happens. It confirms my belief that life is one big old circle and everything is connected. You rilly rilly must hear Fisherman's Blues too, but the versions on YouTube are crap.

2006-12-01T20:19:00.000-05:00

POLAR EXPRESSION

I was feeling kind of down tonight. It's a combination of the overwhelmification of the next few weeks which will find me falling all over myself, having procrastinated to the point of no return. Ok, so that sentence made no sense whatsoever. Combination of that and still feeling like crap, which I think I promised not to mention. And the end of the warm temperatures of late which I have been enjoying immensely. Possibility of snow tomorrow. And the realization that my Christmas spending budget is less than half of what it was last year. Don't get me wrong, I'm not all into giving extravagant gifts just for the sake of giving. I'm not shallow like that. What's bugging me is that I like to have "extras" that make the holidays more special. Like a few extra bottles of wine in the cellar for entertaining. Like the more expensive wired ribbon for gift wrapping which is a passion of mine. Like truffles and homemade Chinese walnuts instead of Hershey's kisses and Planter's peanuts. Not that there's anything wrong with Hershey's or Planters. I just like extra-special for the Christmas Holiday. I'll just cut corners a little closer this year, is all.

So, you ask, what did I do? Dig in and cross off ten items on my TO DO List? Hell, no. I sat my ass down and watched about an hour of The Polar Express. And it made me smile and forget aboot that whole first paragraph. I still feel aboot it the way I did last year when I posted after having watched it. Check that out here and I won't have to write it all again. :-)

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2006-11-30T16:10:00.000-05:00

WHEN YOU'RE HAVING FUN

Where on earth has the month of November gone? And this whole year in fact? I never could quite wrap my head around the concept of time and the older I get the harder it is. I've said this before and it still floors me... Why is it that an 8-hour-long work day feels longer than a 48-hour-long weekend? And remember when you were a kid and that 3-month-long summer vacation lasted for ages??? The other day when I realized I'd been blogging for an entire year, it made my head spin. Ok, it doesn't take much to get my brain in a whirl but, geez. And some of us in my circle of bloggers have been talking aboot procrastination lately. I think those of us guilty of that mortal sin live in a different time warp. I never have time to plan ahead, let alone accomplish what needs done in any given time span. I used to love to lay in bed at night and listen to the ticking of a clock. It made me feel safe and secure for some reason. If I had a real clock now that ticked beside my bed, I fear the sound would cause me to go insane in a very short time. To actually hear the sound of time elapsing, minute by minute would be like standing in front of a time-lapse mirror (if there were such a thing) and watching lines and wrinkles appear on my face and my hair turn gray one by one. Nightmarish, to say the least.

I look at my grandkids and they seem to be growing and changing in hyper-mode. Little Juju will be seven years old in a little over three weeks. Hell, it seems like he was born aboot 3 years ago... I just want to yell at the top of my lungs, "SLOW DOWN!!!"

You're wondering what prompted this post. Maybe. On the other hand, maybe it's obvious.
Christmas is coming. Quickly. Much too. So I'm going to get my unprepared butt outta here.

It has come to my attention that my Windows Live Messenger is showing me as Offline even when I am Online. I'm trying to figure out how to remedy this but, you know... I'll see what I can do. In the meantime, if you want to talk to me, I'm probly online off and on from 4 pm to 10 pm and once in awhile between 6 and 6:30 am. Weekends, potluck. If you know how to fix this, tell me. I attempted the uninstall and reinstall thing but it's messy.

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2006-11-28T21:50:00.000-05:00

Morphine - Cure for Pain

One of THE coolest songs of all time. God rest Mark Sandman's soul...
(fyi- The Band is Morphine. The Song is Cure for Pain)

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2006-11-27T21:30:00.000-05:00

FUN FROM MARK

This was fun reading Mark's version. The idea is to put your music player on shuffle. Press forward for each of the following questions. Use the song title as the answer to the question. When I decided to do one of my own, of course, my iPod needed charging. So instead, I went into my Media Player and copied the first playlist I ran into and used it instead. Here is my result:

How am I feeling today? Hoo Dee Hoo ~ Rainmakers
Will I get far in life? Last Kiss ~ Pearl Jam
How do my friends see me? Kiss Me Deadly ~ Lita Ford
Where will I get married? Mary's Prayer ~ Danny Wilson
What is my best friend's theme song? A Beautiful Lie ~ 30 Seconds to Mars
What is the story of my life? D'Artagnan's Theme ~ Citizen Cope
What was high school like? Precious Declaration ~ Collective Soul
How can I get ahead in life? Little Eyes ~ Yo la Tengo
What is the best thing aboot me? Wrecking Ball ~ Fine
How is today going to be? Bullet and Target ~ Citizen Cope
What is in store for the weekend? Until You Came Along ~ Golden Smog
What song describes my parents? We Care A Lot ~ Faith No More
To describe my grandparents? It's All Been Done ~ Barenaked Ladies
How is my life going? License and Registration ~ Death Cab for Cutie
What song will they play at my funeral? My Divine ~ Diana
How does the world see me? To Be Young ~ Ryan Adams
Will I have a happy life? Hyperspace ~ Nada Surf
What do my friends really think of me? Get Some Sleep ~ Bic Runga
Do people secretly lust after me? She's a Piece of Work ~ John Wesley Harding
How can I make myself happy? Touch and Go ~ Vibrolush
What should I do with my life? Maybe Someday ~ The Cure
Will I ever have children? So Says I ~ The Shins
What is some good advice for me? Chain of Fools ~ R. L. Burnside
How will I be remembered? Let Go ~ Frou Frou
What is my signature dancing song? Fair ~ Remy Zero
What do I think my current theme song is? Badass ~ Kacy Crowley
What does everyone else think my current theme song is? Hollow of Your Hand ~ Jeff Black
What type of men/women do you like? Crazy ~ Gnarls Barkley
What does your man/woman love about you? Another Fine Day~ Golden Smog
What song do you secretly love? Heaven or Las Vegas ~ The Cocteau Twins
What do you want to do tomorrow? Return to Innocence ~ Enigma

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2006-11-26T16:17:00.000-05:00

A PICTURE POST

Looking at this picture of Andrew, now 11 days old and Mr. Awake Most of the Night (Poor JuJu and Family...) makes me so calm and relaxed ... despite his nickname. Isn't he precious?

I've added some new pictures from this visit in my top Flickr box if you're interested.

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2006-11-26T00:48:00.000-05:00

NOT EXACTLY GRANDMA'S

I had an absolutely divine holiday with the kids. I must have the most intelligent, funny, and beautiful grandchildren in the universe. Coming home and tearing myself away was very hard to do. I'm too tired tonight to do the down/upload-whatever thing with the pictures, but I will get that done before the weekend is gone. I might attempt it now but am a bit tipsy... Had to celebrate the Blogiversary and I'd promised to get caught up on a friend's blog which of course was made more enjoyable and relaxing with a couple of drinks. Bad part is, I've finished the smoked almonds and am starting on the chocolate now. Might move to pretzels next.

I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving too. Being that I'm not feeling well and JuJu has recently birthed a babe, we opted to let Boston Market prepare our Thanksgiving dinner. We had done that once in the past and the food was great and the kitchen time was just aboot right, considering no cooking and very little clean-up. The thing was, this year they send you home with a loverly shoppin' bag filled with cold food and a nice little instruction sheet for cooking and reheating the freakin' food. And being that we had picked up piping hot food on the previous occasion, we assumed we would be picking up piping hot food this time too. Pick up time was 12:30 pm. We had planned to eat at 1 pm. hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Needless to say, we did not eat at 1:00. Luckily we had ordered an appetizer of spinach/artichoke dip. It may have arrived frozen, I forget... but we cooked and served that to keep the natives from getting too restless. After much juggling of oven, burners and microwave, we finally had a pretty good dinner of turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, sweet potatoes, and cornbread with pumpkin butter. It wasn't until the end of the meal that we noticed they had neglected to include the pumpkin pie that we'd ordered. Oh well, we were thankful for the other food. I still can't get over how beautifully they packaged the whole thing... But we were with loved ones and that was the very best part.

Okay, I'm going to bed now so I can get up in plenty of time to nurse this hangover in the am.

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2006-11-25T00:00:00.000-05:00

ON WITH THE SHOW... (Looney Toons)

By the time I finish this post, it will be officially my First Blogiversary. This is quite a thrill for me, considering the pains I've overcome to reach this milestone. I remember when my fondest wish was to have my very own blog. Thanks to JuJu who set me up and taught me some basics, I've now been blogging for an entire year. I can say that for the most part, I've enjoyed every minute. Aside from being therapeautic, the coolest thing is being able to come here every day and visit with some of the greatest people I've ever met. This has become kind of a haven for me; a place I can come and share and say how I feel and not feel judged or incriminated but accepted and even appreciated. I haven't tried to impress or put on airs. What you read here is pretty much the way I am which isn't much more or less than a work in progress.

This has been a year of changes for me. Changes in my life, how I feel and think aboot things. Readers have come and gone. Some of the craziest have been here from post #1. Some don't comment but keep in touch through email or IM. At any rate, I've come to feel that I've made some great, life-long friendships.

I had intended before this to compile a collection of some of my favorite posts over the past year. If you know me at all, you're not surprised that I haven't found the time to do that. I rilly, rilly wish I had.

It's been kind of a weird year and it's passed by incredibly quickly. There were those couple of months that I could think of nothing but how much I wanted a cigarette. I had that 7-month stint of working the night shift. I got myself a new grandbaby which is a huge deal. The past two months plus have found me feeling less than great. I've probly done more than my share of whining and complaining. For that I apologize. I hope at least once in awhile I've shared something interesting or made you think. And please, more than anything, I hope I've made you smile or laugh. Lord knows, you've all done that for me, and more.

Being that this is a big deal for me, I'm now going to pour myself a nice glass of Chianti and toast this year past.

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2006-11-22T22:56:00.000-05:00

SO AS NOT TO BE RUDE...

I'm a guest at the House of JuJu and would rather not spend a lot of time on here so I will just say this and then get back to the business of baby-loving and merry-making...

PD and I want to wish all of you a very very Happy Thanksgiving, full of all the things to love aboot the holiday; Family, good food, great friends and an appreciation of the magnitude of all we have to be thankful for.

When I think of how fortunate I am to have Friends like all of you and a Family I cherish, I am in awe. And I mean that.

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2006-11-19T13:21:00.000-05:00

CLOSE YOUR EYES AND TAP YOUR HEELS TOGETHER THREE TIMES...

Ok, so maybe you misplaced your ruby slippers. I keep mine handy at all times... The reference may seem obscure, but what I'm getting at is that, when I listen to this song, it just kind of takes me "Home"...

I had planned to post this way back when we actually had a Harvest Moon and never got around to it. But after listening to the Neil Young Unplugged cd I bought yesterday, I decided that you all should listen to this awesome song and let it wash over you like I did and just let it take you home.

Neil Young - Harvest Moon

Harvest Moon

Come a little bit closer
Hear what I have to say
Just like children sleepin'
We could dream this night away.
But theres a full moon risin'
Lets go dancin' in the light
We know where the musics playin'
Lets go out and feel the night.

Because I'm still in love with you
I want to see you dance again
Because I'm still in love with you
On this harvest moon.

When we were strangers
I watched you from afar
When we were lovers
I loved you with all my heart.
But now its gettin' late
And the moon is climbin' high
I want to celebrate
See it shinin' in your eye.

Because I'm still in love with you
I want to see you dance again
Because I'm still in love with you
On this harvest moon...

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2006-11-18T21:01:00.000-05:00

BLUEBERRY HILL

Hey. It's Saturday night. PD is watching Daniel Boone and I'm attempting to decide if a shot and a half-or-so of Jim Beam in a bottle of Dark Chocolate Mocha Godiva Belgian Blend is any good. Seems to be. ;-)

I hit Backstreet today to satisfy a music jones. I would link to them here but I seriously doubt if they have a site. I'll check and if they do, I will or if they don't, I won't. (Don't bother clicking the link, waste of time.) I bought 8 cds, two are gifts and besides those, I picked up some Golden Smog, Morrissey, Neil Young Unplugged and 3 compilations.

Tonight I am developing a keen thrill for Another Fine Day by Golden Smog. You heard of them? That cd is going to have to find it's way onto the iPod. One song in particular, Corvette is great for cranking up and just getting lost in.

My best thing today was running into an old and dear, sweet friend, Natalie. I wish I had a picture so you could see how fantastic she looks. We haven't seen each other in (Oh My) an embarrassingly long time. Several years ago we worked together. Nat is one of those people you meet and instantly become a fan. You start a friendship, fall in love and then, no matter what happens, you're bound for life. Natalie was kind of a "partmer in crime"... we seemed to bring out the mischief in one another. A day never went by that we didn't have at least one great laugh- the kind that makes you cry and makes your face numb and your stomach muscles hurt. We shared the exact same sense of humor and had some of the longest, hardest, most satisfying laughs that I can remember. She no longer works with me. She's gotten married to a wonderful guy and is now Mom to two adorable little boys. I'm so glad to have seen her. I've invited her to come and read JuJu and here, so maybe you'll get to "meet" her. She's nuts... In the absolute BEST sense of the word. ;-) She'll fit right in here, huh?

I decided the Beam/Mocha thing is A-OK and Golden Smog is my other new lovah... :-Þ

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2006-11-18T10:08:00.000-05:00

ANDREW WYATT

Just in case you haven't been to JuJubee's yet...

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2006-11-17T18:19:00.000-05:00

DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME

I apologize for the cranky post yesterday and any others of late. I'm just not myself. Either that or it's the New Me. If that's the case, you have my sympathy. Let's hope not.

I've been writing this post in my head off and on for awhile and if I don't get it out soon, I'll either lose it (the post) or it will be a novel.

I have two lives. One is in front of my face and the other is in my head. Don't worry, at this point they are separate and I'm (still) able to differentiate between the two. I suspect that we all posess both but some are less aware of the distinction or just mainly concern themselves with the more real of the two. I kind of juggle mine and drift in and out and back and forth between mine. Now I'm not sure how y'all handle yours, I've never really discussed the concept with anyone. What may or may not make me different is that I think I might spend an equal amount of time in both on any given day. And often it occurs simultaneously.

Being the eldest of six children, a female Pisces born in the Chinese Year of the Monkey, now in the fiftieth year of my so-called life in Western Pennsylvania are all factors that may or may not contribute to the extent of time which I spend in my life in my head. (I wonder if this is a personality trait that might be determined by any of the above-mentioned qualities or if it's just a coping mechanism or something?) That "life" serves a multitude of purposes. I practice imagery more often than I even realize. I entertain myself with that ablility. In your head, you can be who you want to, go where you want to, do what you want to. When real life gets in your face or isn't as pretty as you'd like or you just can't deal, there's a whole 'nother place to go that is kinder and amazingly user-friendly.

I don't mean this to sound as if I'm less than a functional, relatively (ha ha) normal, productive human being. I should probably say that I spend 8-10 hours a day doing a job that requires less thought than, say that of a rocket scientist. So I do have some time to um, allow for some creative thinking. ( I wonder if exercising my cognitive energy as much as I do might help me escape Alzheimer's? I'm hoping...)

I guess what I'm trying to say here is that I think I spend more time in my head than the average person. I venture to say that "it works for me" although Poopy would most likely tell you that it's the root of all my problems. Those problems being: forgetfullness, selective hearing, clumsiness, compulsive list-making (and list-losing), take your pick. Those "problems," in my defense are all hormone-related and temporary. Hah! Anyway...

Is this abnormal? Not that I will stop if you all suggest I'm delusional and need to consult a professional; not that I even probly have any control over it. But I just wonder if I'm alone in this...

Today's song snippet is Strange Combination by T-Bone Burnett from Twenty Twenty: The Essential T-Bone Burnett. The bass makes me HAPPY. Which reminds me, TGIF :-)

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2006-11-16T20:02:00.002-05:00

WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME???

Ju and I talked today and pretty much decided that I'll leave all the baby posting up to her and that should happen when she's good and E. (Get it now?) In the meantime I will tell you that when my daughter makes up her mind to do something, she don't waste no time, bucko. Kick some ass and take names later. She had that baby in less than 2 hours. That's all I'm going to say aboot that. Thanks to all of you for all your good wishes, I'm passing them all along to her. She and the baby and the rest of the Ju Clan are great. Talk to y'all later.

(Sorry for the bold, I can't get rid of it. You deal with it.)

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2006-11-16T06:26:00.000-05:00

HELLO WORLD

Real quick. No time now for a complete update but don't want to leave you all hanging. Talked to Ju last night and she's wonderful and Number 3 is supposedly "perfect in every way" and looks just like Daddy. I will find out for myself this weekend or next, not decided yet but am anxious as heck.

I have some stuff going on today put promise a complete post probly around 8pm tonight.
Have a good day :-)

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2006-11-15T18:31:00.000-05:00

WAH WAH WEDNESDAY ;-)

You get up in the morning and you think it's just gonna be a regular day. Sure, your daughter could have a baby, she's pretty E. (READY in case youns never figured that out the other day.) But chances are, it's just gonna be a regular day.

But you are wrong, my friend. From now on this will be my third grandchild's birthday. And that is WAY COOL. The newest JuJu was born today at 4:35 pm EST and weighs 7 pounds and 1 ounce and measures 19 inches long. Mama and baby are great and Nana is elated. I will let JuJu share the other (amazing) details, I don't want to steal her thunder. You will be amazed, I promise.

You'll have to excuse me now. I must go spend the rest of the evening spreading the good news.

Today's song is Sweet Illusions by Ryan Adams (and the Cardinals) from the cd Cold Roses.
Yummy.

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

2006-11-14T17:24:00.000-05:00

KICKING AND SCREAMING

Before I get on to the subject of this post, I would like to say this: I feel like shit. It's a well-known and overdone topic here. I'm going to let you in on a little secret.

I have claimed my pain. I have made peace with my pain. My pain and I are one and the same. Until my pain decides to move on, I will embrace my pain as I would any guest and make him feel at home. When the bastard leaves, I will make sure the door hits him in his bloody ass.

That's all I have to say on the topic except that when he checks out, I'll be sure and spread the news.

Now that we have that out of the way, on to more important business. The business that is causing me feelings of trepidation and no small amount of angst. Blogger is pressuring me to go Beta. The anxiety this arouses in me is akin to that experienced during dental procedures. I don't know what to do. JuJu has her plate full, I'm not going to bother her with this. You all have REAL blogs and have long since deserted this archaic method of publishing. (I might want to think twice aboot what I write here, huh?) I love Blogger, (wink wink) it's just that everyone else I know is constantly goading me to surrender and move on to Wordpress or TypePad or whatever. I just don't have the time or the smarts to do it. I need someone who will let me sit on their lap and talk me through this stuff.

You know, it amazes me- I am 50 years old. I've gotten to be this age pretty much without ever asking advice aboot anything from anyone. It's just not something I do. But now here I am with this keyboard in front of me and I'm so freaking clueless, I can't do much of anything without asking for advice from everyone aboot everything. Drives me crazy.

I'm not gonna beg, but if anybody has any advice for me or is willing to help me change, I'd love you forever and ever. Or even if you tell me I don't ever have to change, that I can just keep this the way it is until the cows come home, I'd be ever so happy and grateful....

Here's your song for today from my Pandora. One of my favorites, Buffalo River Home by John Hiatt. Hope you like it. :-)

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2006-11-13T19:38:00.000-05:00

LET'S CHANGE THE SUBJECT

First, let me say that I'm happy to find that the ground-breaking began today for the Martin Luther King Jr. Memorial. I wasn't aware of the plans for such a memorial, and now I wonder why in the heck it's taken all this time for someone to get around to erecting one... I have visited Washington DC twice in my life and never had one single wish to return there, but if I'm still around when this memorial is finished, I might have to change my mind and go there to pay my respects. I watched part of the ceremony on World News Tonight and it was very emotional.
Not sure why I linked to a BBC News story, it was the first headline that came up in Firefox...

You guys all know aboot Pandora by now don't you? Gosh, I wish it was portable. It's my new lov-ah. ;-) Not sure if this link will work or not but go here and listen to this good song. If it works, I might have a new feature for you here everyday or so :-)

Are any of you familiar with a nifty concept whereby an employee elects to have a portion of his or her wages deducted and put into an account (pre tax) to be used strictly for medical expenses that are not covered by that employee's medical insurance? Sometimes they are called Medical Flex-pay accounts. Last year it sounded like a wonderful idea to me and I whole-heartedly embarked on a give-and-take (hehe) relationship/rollercoaster ride with one of these accounts. It seemed so simple and handy. Basically they hand you a debit card and you use it for office visit co-pays, OTC drugs, prescription co-pays, contact lenses, dental work, the list goes on and on. You no longer have to worry aboot whether you have cash on hand or if you put the checkbook in your purse that day, what could be better??? WELL. What these bastards do not tell you (Okay, they told me, it was just so vague...) is that every single time you have an expense that does not match your medical insurance amount (say an office co-payment is $10. My doctor's office gives you a break if you pay on the DOS so NONE of my co-pays matched... And say, oh, that your prescription co-pay is $20. And say your pharmacy charges you the lesser amount if the cost of your medicine is less than your co-pay... So LOTS of my co-pays didn't match.) The thing is, when there is a discrepancy, you must send proof (receipts, etc) that the expense was indeed, a medical one. It wasn't so bad the first part of the year, I just had yearly expenses like, you know, female annual events and stuff like that. An odd doctor or dental appointment here and there, not a major pain in the ass. But looky here... I have spent the better part of the last two months in doctor's offices and in pharmacies and I've wracked up a nice shit-load of medical expenses. And... You Guessed It! NONE OF MY FREAKING TOTALS MATCH ANYTHING RESEMBLING WHAT THE PLAN SAYS. Need I say more?
I thought not.

Tomorrow, first thing, I am in the front office at work cancelling the freaking card.

Thanks. I feel better. Not great, but better.

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2006-11-12T20:02:00.000-05:00

BLAH, BLAH, BLAH

Well, here it is, Sunday night a little over an hour away from my regular Sunday night bedtime. I have slept more than half of the past 48 hours away. And how do I feel, you're wondering?
Not a whole helluva lot different than I did two days ago. I am not coughing as much, (I know I keep saying that...) but my ribs are still ridiculously sore. (I keep saying that, too.) The only real difference in the way I feel is that my butt is sore from being in bed so much.

Poopy and I decided that we couldn't stand our sheets anymore so we washed and dried them. He was kind enough to strip the beds (we've not been sharing a bed due to germs) and I appreciated that enormously. I have taken aboot two hours to get the sheets back on the beds (don't overdo it, you know) but it will feel great to slip into fresh, crisp germ-free beds tonight.

I can't believe that my life has deteriorated to this level, that I'm reduced to sharing with the world that I'm sleeping and doing laundry. I want my old life back!!!

Anyway, you all are familiar now with my whining and depressing monologue. If it's painful for you to come here, I fully understand and will not blame you one iota if you don't come around. Honest. Just pretend there's a big red sign here that reads QUARANTINE or something.

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2006-11-12T09:54:00.000-05:00

TRADING MESSES

I guess it's pretty evident by now that I chose to stay home last night. I decided to swap the "mess factor" for a chance at getting healthy. I might even break some sort of weekend sleep record. This is the second time I've been up since last night at dinner time. And when I'm finished posting, I'm going to shower, break out some fresh jammies and hit the pillows again. You should see how I've torn up the bed, it's a wreck. I'm going to have to do some rearranging before I get back in.
I don't feel any worse or better yet. If I sleep the whole weekend away and don't feel better, I am going to be royally irked. I am having some crazy-ass dreams though, let me tell you. I guess that's my weekend entertainment since I missed SNL.

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2006-11-11T20:15:00.000-05:00

IT JUST ISN'T RIGHT...

Simon recently opened up his blog for questions from readers. Not to be mistaken for someone whose mind is in the gutter, I chose to inquire about a third party that he may have chosen if his wife Amy had consented to allowing Simon to live out one of his favorite fantasies, a menage a trois.
Well, that got me thinking- in a theoretical sense, by all means- that if I were to present that possibility to Poopy do, who I might like to invite. I haven't actually asked him yet, and I most likely never will because, like there's any chance it would ever happen... and I'm just talking out my butt, as usual. But in my head, if it ever were to happen, my choice for third party is pictured here, in most of his glory. Is that sinful, to look that good? I think so. In case he doesn't look familiar to you, it's because I made him up in my head. No, I'm kidding. It's Gael Garcia Bernal. You might have fallen in love with him while you were watching The Motorcycle Diaries (2004), as I did.

Hey guess what? I went to bed around 3:30 am this morning and just woke up around 6:30 pm tonight. I'm hoping that much sleep will help me feel better. I'm going to eat dinner and take some pills and go back to bed if I can. G' night. :-)

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2006-11-09T21:02:00.000-05:00

ME NO LIKE MESSY...

I'm only going to bring this up briefly and then move on to something brighter... My cough seems to be back but HEY! My ribs and back feel better. I don't know if that's a good sign or not. A couple of times I felt better and then got worse. So we'll see. I had the chest X-ray today and if anything shows up I should hear by Monday.

I think I mentioned yesterday that I am thinking of going to a club on Saturday with a bunch of people from work. I am having a bit of anxiety about my decision... Normally I don't socialize with the people I work with. I make a few exceptions (very few). My opinion on the subject is this: When you're out with a bunch of people and there is alcohol involved, there is a pretty good chance that "something messy" could happen. And by messy I mean personality clashes, altercations of any sort, you name it. And if there might be more than one gender involved the possibility of messy is increased tenfold. All of this isn't a terribly big deal, I'm not the type to get in the middle of messy. But when messy happens with co-workers, there exists the probability that these people are going to be faced with each other's faces every day at work. Not a good place to be, in my opinion. As I said, the chances of something happening directly to me are slim but I would hate to even have two people I work with at odds with one another. That can create a pressure to "choose sides." Nah, no thanks. Maybe I'll pass on this invitation. On the other hand, I would truly love to go out dancing. More than likely, I won't feel up to it and that will just take care of my decision. I'll let ya know what I decide...

Have yourself a Great Friday. I plan to :-)

2006-11-08T17:38:00.000-05:00

YOU KNOW, LIKE IF YOU DROP A BOWLING BALL ON YOUR BIG TOE

Today was my worst day so far with this "ailment". Do I sound like a really old person? I FEEL like a really old person. Not sure if I mentioned or not that I have costochondritis. I have been on an anti-inflammatory for I think, 2 weeks now. I'm starting to notice patterns now that I wish the doctor would have asked me to pay attention to. Later in the day my pain is aboot twice as severe as in the mornings. It also seems that the more activity I engage in, the more pain I have. After a night's sleep, the pain is bearable. Usually after dinner, PD has to help me up if I happen to be sitting on a lower or soft chair. While I'm in the shower with the hot water on me, it feels pretty good. That relief is gone aboot the same time I turn the water off.
The doc maybe could have saved me a little pain and aggravation had she told me to try to limit my movements. Most of my job involves reaching all over a lab table, repeatedly, with my arms mostly extended. And being that I work in a controlled area where we are required to gown completely, at least 8 times per day (not including potty trips) I must sit on a stainless steel bench and put on (or take off) a cover-all type suit that may not touch the floor in any way, shape or form. Also required are shoe coverings which are to the knee with numerous straps and snaps that must be fastened. In other words, more bending and stretching.

Today being, as I said, my worst day for pain to date, I called my doctor to ask her if there is anything additional that I should or should not be doing. I mainly wanted to know if I should try to limit my physical movement and if it's a bad idea for me to go out dancing Saturday night with friends at Big Dogs. Now I believe that is a legitimate concern, don't you? Before this um, BIG HURT, the only thing that would keep me away would be a new baby for the JuJu's. Now it looks like no big fun at big dogs just big hurt- home on a saturday night.

I've been writing this post off and on for over an hour now and not even sure what I've written. At any rate, I'm to go have a chest X-ray tomorrow to rule out anything more serious than the CCD-itis. I almost wish it was something else, something less painful. I feel like such a whiner. But honest to God, this hurts B-A-A-A-A-D.

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2006-11-07T20:16:00.000-05:00

QUIET ON THE FRONT

The Number Three JuJu has not yet made an appearance. That is good for me and PD. We are sick and germy and should not be around small children or old people. That presents a bit of a problem for PD in two different areas... Haw haw. (But I make him hang out with me anyway.)

While we are trying to recuperate before #3 comes, JuJuBee is not to be confused with someone who might be described as content to sit and wait for either the recuperation or the arrival of the child. She's got her bag packed and her minivan gassed-up. She's E.

All of a sudden it's time to get back into "Baby Mode." We're barely out of it, being that BabyJuJu is only a bit over 18 months old. It's time to revisit the sections in the department stores that are teeming with teeny pink and blue and yellow and green sleepers and soft, fuzzy blankies. Bedding with teddies and lambs and duckies and music boxes that play Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. Tiny booties and bibs. All those adorable little things that you go crazy over that a baby might wear once or twice, puke all over and have their picture taken in. But you still gotta buy it just cause it's so absolutely adorable.

Time to get all gushy and start talking babytalk and sterilize the binky 30 times a day and wash your hands before you touch the baby. Time to make a place to stack a gazillion diapers and haul out the Genie for disposing of a gazillion diapers.

Time to remember that this little one will not be a baby any longer than any other child and that you have to love, enjoy and appreciate every second of this babyhood. Don't take for granted one coo or gurgle or milk burp. Remember what that tiny hand feels like wrapped around your finger. Relish the feel of his downy cheek on your lips and the scent of his warm little head. Memorize the hiccups and the way the corners of his mouth twitch in his sleep. Etch in your mind the way he looks up at his Mama as he contentedly nurses at her breast. Drink in the feel of the loose skin around his fragile neck, the intricate structure of those itty-bitty ears, the incredible smallness of his fingernails. Revel in the ability of that tiny little human who can demand every iota of your attention simultaneously causing you to forget about the whole rest of the universe. And enjoy it as long as you abso-effing-lutley can.

I gotta get better fast.

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2006-11-06T20:44:00.000-05:00

AND THEN I WOKE UP

I'm not prone to having recurring dreams. In fact, the only dream I ever remember having more than once in my life occurred on three consecutive Halloween nights when I was probly 8 and 9 and 10. I dreamt (is that a word?) that my mom and my aunt were sitting at the kitchen table talking over coffee. I heard my aunt mention that she had heard that the witches were going to be out that night. I felt a great deal of anxiety then. I imagine that it was a kind of realization for me, hearing a grown-up say it surely meant that witches were indeed real. If I had not been sure before, I definitely was now. In my dream I went to bed and awoke (still dreaming) to see two terribly ugly witches bigger than life with huge, bulgy eyes standing on either side of my bed. They each were wearing the standard black witch's garb and holding brooms the way a shepherd would hold a crook or staff or whatever you call them. I scrambled out of my bed and in the process, knocked over my nightstand but managed to get out of the room before either witch could stop me. The next parts have grown blurry to me over the years but I recall next being on a staircase. I don't know if I was trying to go up or down but there was a witch at the top with her broom on fire, lighting the carpet at the top of the stairs and the other, at the bottom doing the same. The fire burned quickly, to the point where the only step not burning was the one on which I was standing. Conveniently, that was the point where I woke up, my skinny little body drenched in sweat and my heart pounding loudly in my chest. The second and third times I had the dream were as totally terrifying to me as the first. I remember the next couple of Halloweens causing some dread in my mind, worried that the dream might come back. I had it one more time, later in life. I was probly a young teenager at the time and I was surprised at how much the dream had stayed the same.

Just recently I have dreamt twice aboot being on a deserted road late at night in the snow on a bicycle. It was very dark and very cold. The dreams were not identical except in that I was on a bike in the dark in the snow, alone. Also in each dream, I was riding normally until a point where I realized that I was riding on pure ice. At that point, I was unable to keep riding and had to get off the bike and push it along beside me. The task was very difficult for some reason. I think the bike was either very heavy or something may have been wrong with the steering. I would like to have the dream again so I could pay better attention to details; for instance if the roads look familiar, or if I can figure out why the bike is giving me problems. I have a few ideas what the dream is trying to tell be but it would be helpful to know these other details.

I need to get some chores done, I didn't accomplish much over this past weekend. Mostly because I went to bed at 10pm Friday night (unusually early for me on a weekend) and didn't wake up until 3:10pm on Saturday afternoon (completely unheard of...). I was royally pissed. I waited all week for that weekend and I slept it half away! :- (

Hey, GO VOTE TOMORROW !!!

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2006-11-05T17:17:00.000-05:00

CHANCES ARE PRETTY GOOD...

... that this could turn into a decent rant before it's all over and done with.

When you've been sick or not feeling well for an extended period of time, your thinking tends to take on one or the other of a couple trains of thought. One, you look at your life as a whole and realize that, yeah, maybe I take a few too many things for granted. Maybe I'll concentrate on the positive things in my life and learn to appreciate them for the blessings that they are. I could easily learn to adopt a more positive and gracious outlook, having experienced this illness and realizing how fortunate one is to have no (major) health problems.

Another pattern of thinking that one may adopt in a situation such as mine is much simpler and easier to describe. It will go something like this: Everything bites and I'm freakin' sick and tired of feeling like this and don't come near me or I'll bite your friggin' head off and spit it down your scrawny neck and kick you in the shins and laugh my fool head off and still be pissed off.

I'm shoulder-deep in the latter of the two. So help me, every teensy little irritating thing I encounter just makes me want to haul off and destroy something. I could take a sledgehammer to a picture window and not even blink. I could run over a skunk on the road and stop and back over it again. I could throw a decent-sized mudball at the back of an old woman's head. I could park in a handicapped spot and glare wickedly at anyone who questioned my choice. I could pour a gallon of bleach in a fishtank and watch all the little albino fishies float to the top and laugh diabolically. And then toss them one by one into the toilet and flush and flush and flush. . .

Ok, so I got a little carried away there. I wouldn't do or derive any pleasure from any of these despicable deeds. I'm just a little testy, you see. Number one, I have a new grandson arriving any day now and until I'm completely recuperated, I won't be able to visit the JuJu Clan and help out and/or enjoy the new little one. And number two, I am allowing myself only 2-3 cigarettes per day, hoping to work my way down to ZILCH.

I'll stop now, I'd hate to have any of you see the mean side of me.

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2006-11-02T21:01:00.000-05:00

BELATED HALLOWEEN WISHES...

Guess who? (Hint: Rhymes with D. V. as well as G.B.)

If you guess it right, you get to tell me why Blogger does whatever the hell it wants to, like putting a picture above all the writing when you told it to put it below all the writing...

I was going to dress as an Imperial Storm Trooper. I even got the black fishnets... We (had we not been just feet away from our respective deathbeds) had planned to attend a costume party and make our entrance with a boombox blasting "Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley. (Do they still call them boomboxes?)

(No, I've not recovered ... just feeling tres guilty for not posting...)

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2006-10-30T21:29:00.000-05:00

WELL, HELLO THERE!

Nice to see you. : -)

I refuse to write 7 posts in a row aboot being sick so I'm just going to ignore that little detail and concentrate on YOU.

Nice sunburn Mark. ;-) I would have thought you'd be all over the sunblock thing...

Hi Simon, you got a little bit of Tav puke on your collar there... Still looking good...

Juju, you should be resting. Oh, I see that you are... You packed your bag yet???

Jeff, how was your first night back at work? Should have talked the doc into one more week, huh? I thought so...

Ade, what's up? Almost time to start that holiday baking ... Holden can help this year. :-) Okay, maybe next year...

Jojo, are you keeping busy? I know bad (work) joke...

Don, hi Dude. What's new witchu? Hope you're doin' good.

Dana T., look at us. We still haven't gotten together. Now you have to wait until I'm done being sick. Hope it's before New Year's Eve...

Hazel, how's school and work? Tell SO thanks for the Paris photos :-)

Feanor, nice to see you blogging again, how's that paper coming?

Buie, I'll mail you about the blogroll thing. The quote part? That comes from your profile page, the part where you enter About Me. It will show up in the upper righthand corner.

Tooners, you had a little time away, huh? Lucky you. You had written that you hoped I got over the flu. It's not the flu, just a cough. A cough and painful sides from coughing. The flu will probly come next... :-(

Kate, how are you? I will try to get in touch with you this weekend, we do need to get together.

Who am I missing? If you'd like to be addressed, you darn well oughta start leaving comments. I'm making up a new word here... KWITCHERLURKING. hehe

Ruby, TC, Mishka, Dana N., Anomie, Mike, Marc ... Not sure if you're still reading but Hi, How are ya?

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I know I'm missing someone and I'm going to feel awful...

2006-10-28T12:06:00.000-04:00

CRAP. THAT'S WHAT I FEEL LIKE.

I went and got all excited aboot Halloween. Or a Halloween party, rather. And then I wake up today, ready to make all the preparations for said party and realized within seconds of rolling over that it just ain't gonna happen. Standing upright is a chore. I'm so freakin' sick of being sick. "It could take awhile for the inflammation of the rib tissue to subside..." I realize that as long as I'm coughing, there will be a strain on that tissue. But shit. It's the whole way around now, not just in the front. Breathing isn't even any fun. The only time I feel good is when I'm asleep and I'm only assuming that I feel ok then.
Not going to bore you any longer with this. Those of you who I've promised Halloween video, forgive me, I'll make it up later. I probably won't even attempt to upload the clip I made for yesterday.

Y'All have a Happy and Safe Halloween for me. BOO.

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2006-10-27T23:29:00.000-04:00

S... IS FOR SLACKER

Note: I posted a video here, it seems to be "faulty." Please stay tuned, I will reattempt when time permits.

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2006-10-25T16:14:00.000-04:00

WHAT'S THAT THING THEY SAY ABOOT COUNTING YOUR CHICKENS?

Call me incredibly delusionally optimistic. I thought I'd be feeling better today. Of course that is due in part, to the fact that I thought there was no way I could feel any worse. But I was wrong. By the time I went to bed last night I had a fever, chills and a headache on top of the coughing and sore sides. I'd call it full fledged flu by now. But you know what, this is boring the hell out of me and I'm sure you're not enjoying reading it any more than I am writing it.
One good thing, I think I shamed Mark into enjoying his vacation instead of his laptop. Either that or he's been reduced to lurking... either that or I pissed him off and he's just not coming here.
I do need to ask for a prayer or two to help this go away before the baby comes. Not much time...

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2006-10-24T19:01:00.000-04:00

HOLDING MY BREATH FOR A WHOLE 'NOTHER REASON...

Please, please, please let this work. If it does, my confidence in EVERYTHING will be restored. Ten fold.

By the way, that's not an amazing unblinking me. It's just a picture of me and I couldn't talk and hold the camera still at the same time. What do you want from me? I know it's a little freaky. And blue.
Now someone has to tell me how to shrink this up a bit so my sidebar will come back.
Please send all congratulatory messages in the form of pain meds... Mail me, I'll tell you my home address ;-)

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2006-10-23T20:40:00.000-04:00

WHAT'S WORSE THAN SEARING PAIN ON ONE SIDE ?

No post today. Miserable. Calling the doctor in the morning. I will arrange to have Ju post funeral arrangements here if necessary. I would laugh but it hurts. I'm sure I'll be fine but in the mean time, THIS SUCKS REALLY REALLY BAD!!!

2006-10-22T14:07:00.000-04:00

LIFE'S LITTLE PLEASURES

There are quite a few. Some I'd like to share with y'all:

The same number of socks come out of the dryer as went into the washer.
The millisecond reflex that you saves you from biting your cheek.
Realizing that your choice to "let the machine get it" was the right one...
Getting clear to the punchline without screwing up the joke.
When that dreaded decision you've been putting off making takes care of itself.
Finding a $20 bill in your coat pocket.
Having the right change for the parking meter.
Finding that the cd case you just dropped in the driveway didn't break.
Fighting off a sneeze that would have otherwise occurred at a most inopportune moment.
A good hair day. Rare and Wonderful... especially this time of year.
Dropping the butter lid and having it land right-side-up.
Getting a real hand-written letter in the real mail.
Waking up and realizing you have an hour more sleep time until the alarm goes off.

What little things bring you joy? Some days we just need to concentrate a little harder on them.

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2006-10-21T18:00:00.000-04:00

PAUL WESTERBERG - Knockin' On Mine

Apologize for the quality of this clip, only one I could find. But this is one of the reasons I fell in love with A) Paul Westerberg and B) YouTube :-) This song, Knockin' on Mine, is in my top 30 PW songs. As I come across more on YouTube, now that I figured out how to post these (YAY for me!!! Aren't you proud???) I will post more for you to enjoy. Note: this is probly the poorest quality one I will allow on here, it's just a really good song. I believe this was a Saturday Night Live performance, circa 1985.

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2006-10-21T15:24:00.000-04:00

IF YOU'RE THINKING...

of stalking me, don't read this post. I'm serious.

Ah, never mind. I won't say where I live but on this most beautiful of all Fall days, I will say that I am glad to live in _______ern Pennsylvania. It is so absolutely gorgeous here today. The trees, I believe are at their peak of color and even though it isn't terribly sunny today, there is so much gold and yellow that sunglasses are necessary. A friend and her husband drove to Winchester, Virginia today to enjoy the scenery along Skyline Drive. They picked the most perfectest weekend of all to go. I told my friend to be sure and sample the Jonathan Apples which are abundant there this time of year. She'd never had one and is surely in for a treat. The best apples ever.

I would have rather stayed home in bed this morning but had an eye appointment to keep. PD went along and we had a nice lunch together. During our conversation we were trying to make light of how miserable we both feel and counting the hours left until we were due for our cough medicine, antibiotics, Tylenol, etc. I said to him "If you found out today that you were going to feel just like this for the rest of your life, would you off yourself?" I was joking and thought he would answer that way but he got all serious on me and said "No." I asked then, "So what would you do?" I expected a serious answer. He said he would buy aboot 5 cases of beer and talk the dr. into a script for Percoset (sp?) or something and just party for awhile... I thought the after effects of that might not make it worth the initial relief... Anyway after lunch we went music shopping for a bit. My record store was holding Rogue's Gallery: Pirate Ballads, Sea Songs and Chanteys for me. I can't wait to listen to it. Will let you know how it is. Check out some of the artists appearing on the 2-disc set and read the review. I also bought The Cure- The Top (their newest) and asked Dave (the music guy) to hold the 4-disc set, Join the Dots: B-sides and Rarities (The Cure 1978-2001) for me. My Christmas present to me. ;-)

Going to go take a big old swig of Robitussin and crash for a bit. Zonkers.

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2006-10-20T21:59:00.000-04:00

T.G.I.F.N. *

Anybody ever listen to the music of Dizzy X??? I've only heard SupaSaturation (radio version), Los Angeles and Show Me. I'm really liking it. I don't know who Dizzy X is/are but I'm going to be finding out. There are both male and female vocalists and they're awesome.

Any fans of Paul Westerberg? I recommend the Open Season soundtrack which features his music, including Love You in the Fall with fellow ex-Replacement Tommy Stinson on bass. The song made Spin Magazine's November 2006 Songs You Need to Download Now List.

PD went to the dr. today and got some antibiotics and basically a pat on the butt. There's a lot of "this" going around and not a lot you can do aboot it but let it run it's course. She only gave him the abs because he's had it for so long. She didn't need to see me, as it would be "a waste of my time and money." I'm to take OTC cough medicine, Tylenol for pain and keep moist heat on my ribs. So there is that. In the meantime, it feels like there is a gyrating ice pick burrowing into my right lung.

Right now I'm listing to a tune called Hollow of Your Hand by Jeff Black from the album Tin Lily. A great song. I don't know why I and other people still say "album". I think it's a musical snobbery term. Rather a term used by music snobs. I think that's what I meant. Like when we say "vinyl" and shit like that.

I was trying to make a post here without including the following subject which upset me to no end today. I just really didn't want to bring it up cause I can feel myself getting all tense and pissy again. Maybe if I get it off my chest I'll feel better. I will keep it short...

I was taking part in a conversation today with two co-workers, one I know very well and respect highly. The other I don't know quite as well but held (note past tense) in fairly high regard. That is until I asked her why she thought a certain senator from Illinois couldn't be elected President. "Because he's... *lowers voice*... black. . . No. No ... *shaking head vehemently*." She wasn't saying that she thought he would have trouble getting votes. She was saying that No, I will not stand for a Black man in the White House. I am sure that she was aware that I had to pick my jaw up from the floor. I was dumbfounded and speechless and sick in my stomach. I had to just turn and walk away. There was nothing I could have said to this kind of ignorance. I thought getting this out would make me feel better. I was wrong.

* Thank Goodness it's Friday Night
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2006-10-19T19:48:00.000-04:00

RANDOMIFICATION

PD has had a terrible cough for almost a month. Two nights ago he (who never complains) complained that his ribs hurt from coughing so much. This isn't terribly newsworthy and certainly not suspicious in any way; unless, of course, you read JuJuBee's post today. PD's cough started within hours of the JuJu's last visit. I successfully fended off the damnable thing (cough) until this past Monday. Nothing but a cough. Yesterday I started getting hoarse and am losing my voice. Today at lunch time I noticed my stomach muscles were sore from coughing. By one o'clock, my ribs on my right side were tender. By two o'clock, I was doubling over from the pain each time I would cough. It's now almost 8pm. Since I got home from work I have been near tears a few times, took a really strong prescription pain reliever and am sitting here now with a heating pad on my side. All I can think of is WTF???

Anyway. Have you ever tried Pumpkin Mousse??? Holy crap it's good. I made Egg Drop soup with chives for dinner; it's one of those things that always makes me feel better. Ok, usually. And you know what really is not good at all? Yellow jellybeans. Bleeaacch.

We had a helluva rainstorm aboot the time I was leaving work tonight. In a matter of minutes the parking lot was covered in muddy brown water and there were huge pools of water in the low spots in the grounds around the facility. Several places I drove through on the way home the water was deep enough to spray up over the car. Now I hear there are flood warnings for our county until 11am tomorrow.

I should work on my poem (limmerick) from yesterday but am not feeling terribly creative. I think the pain pill is kicking in, this screen is beginning to look a bit convex...

I plan to write more aboot the men/women relating thing this weekend. For now, Ta Ta.

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2006-10-17T22:07:00.000-04:00

A POEM ABOOT A GIRL AND A BOY...

There once was a lass quite like me
Who knew who she wanted to be.
An oblivious chick
Who cared not a lick
What was rumored (or not) to be.

"They" all said she was fast
and as dark as her past
She'd loved quite a few
(And more, likely, too)
But this new man was her last.

All the townfolk whispered when
He finally kissed her then
They all shook their heads;
Their hearts filled with dread
They thought it was his bitter end.

But this new love was true
(She was sure overdue)
Every man up till then
Was locked in the Pen
Accused of what she'd made them do.

Every man she'd seduced
Had somehow reduced
to catering whims and
kissing her "limbs"
In an effort to catch her unloosed.

She sucked them all dry
Not a tear in her eye
She broke every heart
And then she would part,
Saying, " You loved me, goodbye."

But now here's a man who
Most probably can do
what none of the others
(and none of their brothers)
Ever dreamed she wanted to do.

Just once to be loved
and not pushed or shoved
None of that lust,
Getting left in the dust
Just cuddled or kissed and hugged.

You would think they would marry
And not put off or tarry
But she's head over heels
And he's hoping time heals
And thinking it's just a bit scary

Should he really trust her
(and not try to adjust her)
For her record is bad (and how)
Her virtue was had; and now
His strength he must muster...

I dunno, I kept thinking I could resuscitate this and get it going in the direction I wanted. Needs a lot of work, maybe a project for a rainy day. At any rate, I have to post it now, it's already taken up two night's worth of my posting time allowance. Feel free to critique.

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2006-10-16T19:52:00.000-04:00

_____________________
HELLO
MY NAME IS

_____________________

If you find yourself amid a group of strangers in a social setting, say at a wedding reception, and for whatever reason there is no one conducting introductions, will you introduce yourself? I usually will find some kind of remark appropriate for whatever is going on, usually with some degree of humor to kind of gauge the mood of the group and then introduce myself. I have always "tested" new acquaintances in a similar way, just to find out if joking around will be acceptable to that person or persons. I do the same thing with propriety, and then conform to whatever seems acceptable in the situation. I don't know if I said that right but I think you know what I mean. I "feel out" the group and then behave appropriately. (Or not, depending on my mood or level of alcohol injested... *wink*) Following is an example of this, I will try to keep it short.

Quite a few years ago I developed a ganglion cyst on my wrist. My doctor referred me to a surgeon for an examination. When he stalked into the examining room, one look at the man gave me a sense that I would not be joking around in my usual way, not even a little. He was a smallish, bookish-looking man with thick glasses, not much chin, a receding hairline, heavy brows, and a pasty pale complexion and a stern, no-nonsense expression. He looked to be aboot sixty and stood poker straight and seemed to be completely stiff. He held my chart in the crook of his arm much as a student might carry a textbook. He introduced himself; I, myself and we shook hands. Not terribly firm but being a woman, I rarely receive firm handshakes. I think most men are not sure how much strength to exert when shaking a woman's hand. I wish they would get over that. I think I surprise some men with the firmness of my own. Handshake. Anyway...
He examined my wrist, asked numerous questions which I answered respectfully. He told me my options for treatment and I told him that I would like some time to decide how I wished to have it treated or removed, whatever. We agreed that I would schedule another appointment when I had made up my mind. He had never smiled. He picked up my file with one hand, shook my hand with his other and turned to leave. He had one hand on the doorknob when I said, "Excuse me, Doctor. I have one more question. What causes these cysts?" His face relaxed into an easy grin. "In this case, I would have to say high intelligence and good looks." He winked and closed the door behind him.

Blew me away. Anyway, the cyst went away on it's own.

The last medical procedure he did for me was a colonoscopy. Just before I lost "awareness," I remember asking him if I could have another pillow under my shoulder. "What kind of insurance do you have?" I told him and he leaned over and said "Sorry kid, they only cover one pillow." I think I had three when I woke up...

"Jonathan," as he allowed me to call him, became my surgeon of choice for many years until he (regretfully for me) retired and moved out West. Where I'm sure he's still wearing this get-up, as he was the day I hugged him and wished him all the best in his retirement. I still miss him.

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2006-10-14T23:33:00.000-04:00

WHAT'S IN A BRAIN???

My Brain is 73% Female,
27% Male

My brain leans female
I think with my heart,
not my head
Sweet and considerate,
I am a giver
But I'm tough enough
not to let anyone take
advantage of me!

What Gender Is Your Brain?
http://www.blogthings.com/whatgenderisyourbrainquiz

2006-10-14T19:04:00.000-04:00

RELATING...

I have spent some time this past week talking to different people aboot how they relate to the opposite sex. Have gotten some very interesting replies. And extremely different answers depending on who I might be talking to. When I was getting too much dialogue to chronicle here, I narrowed down my question to this: "Imagine you are at a social event and meeting new people. How do you relate differently to meeting a man versus meeting a woman for the first time?" The most interesting reply I got entailed a description of how a man related to another man when meeting the first time. It went something like this: "When I shake another man's hand I am establishing my strength with him, showing him that basically, I am to be reckoned with, not to be messed with. Looking him straight in the eyes is another way to assert myself." This kind of reminded me of the way two dogs "sniff each other out"... This same man claims that the first time he meets a woman (and this is in my words, not his which were rather blunt) he basically is greeting her based on the possibility that he might, at some point, gain entry to a certain part of her attire. This creeped me out a little bit, but I guess it's just an illustration of how different people relate to the opposite sex.
I spoke to an Oriental gentleman (and I only mention this because I think that cultural differences definitely affect how people relate to each other) claimed that when meeting a person for the first time, regardless of gender, the occasion is all aboot honor and respect. The handshake is to be firm but not intimidating in any way. A man, out of respect, ONLY extends his hand to a woman if she makes the first move. He went on to explain the frustrations that men face when relating to a woman who is or is not "liberated," for example, worrying that he might insult a woman by offering to open a door or light her cigarette.
A woman I spoke with on the subject brought up an interesting point. She noted that before she was married she related to men in a whole different way. More openly, to be specific. Now that she is married, she's required to respond in a different, less forward manner.
After giving this a fair amount of thought I realize that this is a complicated subject and could be discussed for hours on end. I will write aboot it now and then. For now, I will wait and see if my Readers have any input to contribute... My own way of relating will take up a post in itself.

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2006-10-12T19:16:00.000-04:00

I WANNA GO SOMEWHERE ELSE...

It seems that Summer is over and Fall is in danger of being
taken over by some Ol' Man whose name starts with a W.
Which we will not utter here. Same goes for that stuff that
starts with an S that is falling in Buffalo NY today. I have that on good authority from someone who lives there. But I am forever the optimist and I am looking forward to some lovely Indian Summer days here in my neck of the woods, which incidentally is/are sporting some beautiful colors these days. There is a huge maple tree across my street that is the color of a fiery reddish-orange tomato. What's cool aboot that tree is that even on a gloomy rainy day like yesterday, it lights up the whole neighborhood. But as cool as it is, I'd still rather jump in the car and head off toward someplace warm and sunny and just bask in the sun and not come back until Indian Summer hits PA. Then, when it's over, I'll be wanting to jump back in the car again and head out. I would love to be happy here with the cold weather setting in, but I jus' cawn't dew it, Captain!!!
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